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Sunday, August 27, 2006

Symptoms of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

This is not a meme. I believe it is much more relevant to our lives and health than the average meme.
While I was Googling links regarding Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) for yesterday’s post, I discovered these symptoms on the website The Sideroad. (The previous link takes you directly to the page of ACOA symptoms, not the homepage).
If you have any history of alcoholism or drug addiction in your family—it need not be in your immediate family since one alcoholic can affect the lives of people as distant as grandchildren and cousins—I urge you to answer these questions. I did yesterday and found myself in the category described as “The past is casting a heavy shadow over you.”
Of course, I have known that I am an ACOA for more than 35 years. Yet, even though I am aware of the impact on my life of being an ACOA, as I discussed in the Comments section of yesterday’s post, the ACOS driver somehow remains with (me) even when (I am) aware of it… until, of course, (my) adult (self) click in and (I) scream, “Oh, shit! I did it again.”
Tomorrow I shall post my answers to these questions in the Comments section of this blog post. If you answer “yes” to more than 15 of these questions, I suggest you follow the link to the The Sideroad website for more information. Taking action could improve/change/save your life.

Symptoms of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
1 . Is it difficult for you to identify, understand, or express your feelings?

2 . Do you judge yourself more harshly than you do others?

3 . Do you have an extremely strong sense of responsibility?

4 . Do you feel guilty when you stand up for yourself?

5 . Do you find yourself afraid of or intimidated by people, particularly authority figures?

6 . Is the approval of others often more important to you than your own preferences or beliefs?

7 . Are thrills and excitement a necessary part of your life?

8 . When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?

9 . Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?

10. Do you often find yourself feeling isolated and alone?

11. When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?

12. Can you answer 'yes' to a lot of questions found on an "are you an alcoholic" questionnaire although you never pick up a drink?

13. Are you more concerned for others than for yourself?

14. Do you find yourself constantly trying to rescue others, whether it's a friend, relative or lover?

15. Are you uncomfortable with intimacy and revealing yourself to another person?

16. Do you find yourself hanging onto relationships that aren't healthy?

17. Have you ever confused pity for love?

18. Are you currently involved with an alcoholic?

19 . Are you currently involved with any kind of compulsive personality - such as a workaholic?

20. Have you ever been involved with an alcoholic or a compulsive personality?

21. Do you have a drinking problem?

42 comments:

  1. Thanks, Nick. I followed your link yesterday and took the quiz then. Of course, like you, I already knew I am an adult child.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Nick! Thanks for that. Here's what I got: things aren't terrible, but they could be better. Then I took it again and answered the way things were just a couple of years ago and the past was 'casting a big shadow over me' in that back-dated retest. I know what's different about these two results I got. It's this: last year I told my mother to take a long walk off a very short plank. I wasn't nice about it either, I had really had a gutful. My mother has been sober for 23 years but her attitude hasn't changed and I finally couldn't take it anymore. After all these years, I finally did it. I just gave up. She's not going to change. Yes, I'm still affected, but improvement is a good thing even when it's small and I'm super-super glad to have improvement. I so needed some kind of relief from my family. They are like poison. They still bother me and I'm still working on this issue, but I was finally able to give myself a gift by refusing to drink from the tainted family well.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow powerful post, Nick! My grandfather was an alcoholic and schizophrenic...and though my father doesn't drink, he's quite the control freak a la alcholic style.

    I think I've stopped being a rescuer. and I only feel bad if someone's mad at me because I've truly let them down (e.g., made a promise I didn't keep and used a lame excuse for my trespass). However, I do my best to take care of my self so there's more of me available to take care of me /and/ my loved ones and friends. I think that's a better approach than my past practice of trying to take care of everyone and ignoring my own needs.

    Not saying I'm all the way there. I do love to drink a glass of wine or two or 3 or 4 - as long as I don't get behind the wheel. I don't even do mouthwash before driving.

    My poor father at the age of 67 continues to exhibit so many controlling behaviors. My sister and I just wish he would relax....would like to see him and my mom stick around as long as possible.

    I'm going to take that test at that site now.

    GREAT POST!

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh, as for ANONYMOUS who doesn't even have the cojones to leave his/her real name, you're cordially invited to screw yourself.

    Nick is a cool dude, and you're crap for dissin' him that wayl.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Excellent list of symptoms, Nick. I was going to borrow it, but then followed you links and I have enough materials for several therapy groups. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wrote that I would put up my responses to this quiz. So here it is.

    Remember: one need not be addicted to alcohol or other drugs to be affected by the dynamics that make one an ACOA. Nor does one need to have a parent who is addicted to alcohol or drugs. We live in a culture that promotes addictions of many kinds.

    Through my 60 years of life, at one time or another I could have answered “Yes” to all of these questions except #21. As a friend once responded when asked which psychological games from a list of games she played: “Do you want to know which ones I play, or which ones I play extremely well.” That is what I shall attempt to do here;

    1 . Is it difficult for you to identify, understand, or express your feelings?
    As a child and young adult it was extremely difficult for me to identify what I was feeling. Thus it was also difficult for me to express my feelings. Through many years of therapy I have overcome this one. I think!

    2 . Do you judge yourself more harshly than you do others?
    Yes. DEFINITELY Yes.

    3 . Do you have an extremely strong sense of responsibility?
    Yes. I am responsible for starting World War II even though I was not born until it was over.

    4 . Do you feel guilty when you stand up for yourself?
    I seldom feel guilty for standing up for myself; however, certain of my female relatives interpret my so doing in regard to them as my being angry with them or being crazy.

    5 . Do you find yourself afraid of or intimidated by people, particularly authority figures?
    Early in my life this was definitely true. However, with successes and self confidence, I seldom find myself in this position.

    6 . Is the approval of others often more important to you than your own preferences or beliefs?
    As a child I felt that I needed the approval of adults, especially the maternal side of my family, or I would be abandoned by them.

    7 . Are thrills and excitement a necessary part of your life?
    Not usually, although I seem to take risks in regard to people.

    8 . When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?
    No—never have.

    9 . Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?
    Only when the criticism isn’t valid—i.e., I am accused unjustly.

    10. Do you often find yourself feeling isolated and alone?
    At times, but not often.

    11. When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?
    Not usually

    12. Can you answer 'yes' to a lot of questions found on an "are you an alcoholic" questionnaire although you never pick up a drink?
    I do not believe that I have ever taken such questionnaire.

    13. Are you more concerned for others than for yourself?
    Almost always

    14. Do you find yourself constantly trying to rescue others, whether it's a friend, relative or lover?
    Constantly!!!!!!!!!!!!

    15. Are you uncomfortable with intimacy and revealing yourself to another person?
    Seldom—I am usually accused to revealing too much of myself to others.

    16. Do you find yourself hanging onto relationships that aren't healthy?
    Always

    17. Have you ever confused pity for love?
    I don't think so

    18. Are you currently involved with an alcoholic?
    No, I am currently involved with no one; however, most of my relationships have involved alcoholics or drug addicts.

    19 . Are you currently involved with any kind of compulsive personality - such as a workaholic?
    No

    20. Have you ever been involved with an alcoholic or a compulsive personality?
    See 18 above

    21. Do you have a drinking problem?
    No; I seldom drink alcohol. My addictions are food and cigarettes! And, people.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I see you have put up your answers to the symptoms. That takes guts! Most dysfunctional families have the rule of secrecy. Of course, I've known for many years that you are and never have been like "most" in anything you do.

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