Friday Mishmash

The Fire

There is little new to report about the fire that destroyed Tina and Anne's home. Tina's last message about is read:

Ok my 3days in the hotel is up at noon today. The red cross cannot help further with shelter, they have referred me to shelters, but my dogs would not be able to come wit me. If anyone would be able to help me pay another night in the hotel, I would really appreciate it. It supposed to be hot today, but I will stay on my car b4 I get rid of my dogs! I need help asap! Thanks. [My phone #is 502-851-1534 if anyone can help]

Anne remains at my apartment. She hasn't much of her property left: One change of clothing, 1 pair of sandals, her guitar, and a few old books. Today my  pension check was deposited,  I again have gasoline, so Anne and I drove into the Highlands area of Louisville where she traded some used books for used books. That, at least, helps take her mind off of the fire.


Chairs

The body of my electric life-chair is pulling apart; I can't sit in it until I can have it repaired. So I moved this only other comfortable chair in which I can sit to under the living room window where I can sit and read.  Of course, Alex has claimed it as his own. I laid one of my canes across the arms so that I don't inadvertently sit down on the furball.



Video Tour


Anne shot this video tour of me and the apartment:

Two Poems



Lost In Your World  
by Anne Owen


I get lost in your world
More each and every time
I come close or near you
And pretend that you are mine


I get lost in your words
Whenever you decide to speak
The words echo through me
Yet there is more I seek


Wash away the wounded years
With kisses and loving touch
Hold me tighter and draw me near
To show you care that much


 I get lost within your world
Wish I could stay there with you
Tell me every now and again
That you’re lost in my world too





There are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves 
by James Kavanaugh


There are men too gentle to live among wolves
Who prey upon them with IBM eyes
And sell their hearts and guts for martinis at noon.
There are men to gentle for a savage world
Who dream instead of snow and children and Halloween
And wonder if the leaves will change their color soon.
There are men to gentle to live among wolves
Who anoint them for burial with greedy claws
And murder them for a merchant's profit and gain.
There are men to gentle for a corporate world
Who dream instead of Easter eggs and fragrant grass
And pause to hear the distant whistle of a train.
There are men to gentle too live amount wolves
Who devour them with appetite and search
For other men to prey upon and such their childhood dry.
There are men to gentle for an accountant's world
Who dream instead of Easter eggs and fragrant grass
And search for beauty in the mystery of the sky.
There are men to gentle too live among wolves
Who toss them like a lost and wounded dove
Such gentle men are lonely in a merchant's world
Unless they have a gentle one to love. 

Fire!

This is Tina and Anne's house.

This is my friend, Anne Owen, and her friend, Cain.

Anne, like me, is disabled. Until mid-August, Anne and I planned to become apartment mates, combining our Social Security checks to improve both of our lives. She and Cain actually moved into my apartment in early August and she was going to help pay my rent in September after she was freedom from her apartment lease.


Although its unimportant to this story, if you follow me on Facebook, you know that Cain and Alex didn't quite hit it off as buddies.

Alex tells his side of the story in an Alexicon blog post entitled Cain and Me.

This is Anne's sister, Tina Owen.

In mid-August, Tina's live-in boyfriend returned to Iowa from whence he came, living Tina with insufficient income to pay her rent. Anne and I discussed the situation; we agreed that it is logical that she share the house that Tina is renting.  Anne packed up the items she had moved into my apartment and, with Cain, moved into Tina's house.


On August 26th, I drove Anne and Tina to Anne's apartment and filled my CR-V to the brim with Anne's belongings. After unloading it, Anne and I returned to my apartment, planning to carry a final load of less important things to the house the following day,


Following Steinbeck, out plans were disrupted by the electricity at the house being shut off by the utility company. New plans: Anne would remain at my apartment until Monday morning when she could return her apartment keys to her landlord and she and Tiny could begin contacting resources to aid in paying the utility bill.


Early Monday morning, Tina contacted Anne with the horrendous new that the house was ablaze. As Tina later wrote on Facebook:

...my sister ANNE been very kind and understanding that her dense ass sis left a candle burinin and most of her shit is gone too* but damn who don't leave candles burnin sometimes!!! 

The fire is a tragedy. Tina lost all of her possessions, including her school books--university classes have already begun. Anne  lost just about everything of value, including the lyrics of song she has written over many years.

I am grateful that neither Tina or Anne were in the house when the fire began. Also that neighbors rescued Tina's two dogs. However, I mourn the loss in the conflagration of their cats. Three kittens of Tina's cat, Snow, we discovered dead in a closet. Anne discovered the body of one of the older cats; it was burned too badly to determine if it was Snow or Cain.

Whichever, I pray for those who have crossed The Rainbow Bridge and for the one who hopefully escaped.

Too Bad It's Monday (featuring BOOBs)

Funny Boobs

The  IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to  the IRS office. 

The IRS auditor was not  surprised when Grandpa showed up with his  attorney. 

The auditor said, 'Well, sir,  you have an extravagant lifestyle and no  full-time employment, Which you explain by  saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure  the IRS finds that believable.' 

I'm a  great gambler, and I can prove it,' says  Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The  auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go  ahead.' 

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a  thousand dollars that I can bite my own  eye..' 

The auditor thinks a moment and  says, 'It's a bet.' 

Grandpa removes his  glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw  drops. 

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other  eye.' 

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa  isn't blind, so he takes the bet. 

Grandpa  removes his dentures and bites his good  eye. 

The stunned auditor now realizes he  has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's  attorney as a witness. He starts to get  nervous. 

'Want to go double or nothing?'  Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars  that I can stand on one side of your desk, and  pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and  never get a drop anywhere in  between.' 

The auditor, twice burned, is  cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides  there's no way this old guy could possibly  manage that stunt, so he agrees  again. 

Grandpa stands beside the desk and  unzips his pants, but although he strains  mightily, he can't make the stream reach the  wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much  urinates all over the auditor's desk. 

The  auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has  just turned a major loss into a huge  win. 

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and  puts his head in his hands. 

'Are you  okay?' the auditor asks. 

'Not really,'  says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa  told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet  me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that  you'd be happy about it."






When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.


I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."


A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."


Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."


Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."








Classes for Men: Day One


HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation


TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion


DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)


DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.


LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups


LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

Classes for Men: Day Two


EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play 


HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH 
PowerPoint presentation 


REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did 


IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? 
Driving simulation 


LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing 


HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION 
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques 


REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class 


GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available




The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. 


After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" 


After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."




A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. 


"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." 


So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband "playing pattycake" with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. 


"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." 


"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

KATZ