Monday, January 16, 2012

T.B.I.M. Jokes and Humor

In May of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile, my goal has been achieved. 

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't." 

"Don't what?" Adam asked. 

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied. 

"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!" 

"No way!" 


"Don't eat that fruit!" said God. 


"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. 

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. 

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked. 

"Uh huh," Adam replied. 

"Then why did you?" 

"I dunno," Eve answered. 

"She started it!" Adam said. 

"Did not!" 

"DID so!" 


Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.


A woman went to a pet shop and spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

” Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"

The story is told of a professor of homiletics at Louisville’s Southern Baptist Seminary who was invited to preach at a small Baptist church in Indiana. He decided to show off his preaching skills by doing a dialogue sermon, in which he interacted with the congregation.

At one point in the sermon he asked, “How many of you are Southern Baptists?”

Everyone in the small congregation raised their hands—except for one nicely dressed woman seat in the last pew. The professor smiled; he had identified his pigeon for the dialogue.

Addressing the woman in the last pew, the professor said, “I noticed, Madame, that you did not raise your hand. My I ask what denomination you are a member?”

The woman replied, “I’m a Presbyterian.”

“And why, may I ask, are you a Presbyterian?”

“Because my mother and father were Presbyterians.”

“Do you really think that is a good reason? What if your mother and father had been idiots?”

The woman, who was no pigeon. thought for a moment and then said, “Then I suppose I would be a Southern Baptist.”

About Chocolate

- If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. 

- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. 

- The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. 

- Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

- If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. 

- If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

A city dude decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred baby chicks to get up and running. 

A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chicks because the first lot had died. 

Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chicks. 

"I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer, "I think I'm planting them too deep."

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”



  1. Very good, sir! I especially enjoyed the parakeet and the kitten.

  2. Thank you for all the laffs

  3. Thanks for the post. Made me smile. Loved the Chocolate jokes as I am a Confessed Chocoholic

  4. Oh I like these especially 'it's called a d'. That's the sort of thing I'd ask ...

  5. Funny stuff, Rev Saint

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  7. Hi there, I just had to mention, you're dead wrong. Your blog doesn't make any sense.