Too Bad It's Monday Humor

Hi. I be Alex. Sometimes Saintly Nick b MY hoomin bean. OK? 

He dunt feelz bery goodz. OK? 

MY bean dunt makes diz postie az bigz lik otherz cauz he be sickz. OK? 

Knock, Knock! Who’s There? Idaho! Idaho who? I da ho! Where da John?

Knock, Knock! Who’s There? Howie! Howie who? Howie gonna hide this dead body? 

Knock knock! Who's there? Dwayne! Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I'm drowning. 

Knock knock! Whos There? Butcher Butcher who? Butcher hands up this is a robbery.

Late Night Funnies

Jimmy Fallon: During President Obama’s visit to an elementary school yesterday, one little boy actually asked him if he ever fought in the Civil War. Obama told the boy he did not, but he re-enacts it with Congress all the time.

Conan O'Brian: A recent report says the majority of Americans cannot name the three branches of government — Judicial, Executive, and Legislative. To make it easier, the government is renaming those branches Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney.

Craig Ferguson: Did you see last night's football game? It's a shame that the Buccaneers and Falcons were forced to battle like that. Pirates and birds are usually friends.

Seth Meyers: A man was arrested yesterday after the garbage bag he was carrying split open and a human head fell out. If he’s convicted, the man could receive a two-week suspension from the NFL.

Read Latest Breaking News at Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/jokes/#ixzz3E3DS2oV7 

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

KATZ