I Wasn’t Going to Watch, but…

After a long and (for me) wearing day that included two medical appointments at two different VA medical centers and two trips to the drug store to fill prescriptions, I was exhausted when I returned home at 3:00 p.m. yesterday. Of course, I wasn’t as bushed as I could have been; Tasha and my new wheelchair saved me from walking five or six hundred yards in Veteran Administration parking lots and buildings.

I thanked Tasha for her excellent assistance. My new wheeling is big and incredibly heavy. If it were a ship, I’d term it a dreadnought.

The wheelchair, with me in it, is too heavy for Tasha to push uphill. So, I walked up those areas—especially the steep ramp leading into the VA hospital. (Why a hospital was so designed I don’t know).

The wheelchair is also too wide to fit through the exterior doors of one VA clinic. So I got out of the chair, Tasha folded it, and then pushed it through the door where I was again able to ride in it. The chair is also too large to fit through the interior doors of the clinic, so again I had to leave the wheelchair and hobble through the doors, where I sat in chair much too small for my bulk. (See my comment at the end of the paragraph, above).

I’ll not learn the results of the two medical visits until at least next week; the one that was the most difficult is the one that means the most to me: recertification for oxygen. If I don’t “pass” that test the VA could remove the oxygen from me. I have my fingers crossed!

Do I need to say that by the time I returned home I was physically drained and really in need of a nap? I just wanted to exchange the portable oxygen tank for my CPAP and collapse in bed!

Unfortunately I couldn’t do that. The furball had scatted out the door when I left for the medical appointments and I wanted to make sure he was safe before I napped. Alex wasn’t in front of my house or napping on my neighbor’s porch. When I called his name, he didn’t come running across the lawns as he often does.

So I shuffled my way to the back door and went out on the deck. I almost didn’t see Alex: he was curled up, sunning himself on a deck chair on the far side of the deck table. I called him—and he either didn’t hear me or he ignored me. So I hobbled across the deck and stood above my sun-bathing cat and ruffled his ears. That got his attention!

Alex uncurled himself, stood up, stretched, leaped off the chair, and strolled across the deck and into the house. By the time I caught up with him, he was sitting of our his table and staring at his food bowls. Yeah, both bowls had food in them from his breakfast, but that makes no difference to Alex. He demanded both his favorite wet meal and that some kitty kat treats be added to his dry food. I gave him both, scratched hi head, and brushed his coat. I was yawning all the while.

Finally I shuffled into the bedroom, attached the oxygen hose to the CPAP, and collapsed on (in) to the bed. I slept soundly for about four hours and only awaked when I became aware that I had a cat curled up on my face. I decided to get out of bed, which I did, and then repeated the procedure I discussed in the previous paragraph regarding Alex and his food.

While feeding Alex I began to feel hungry—I had not eaten since breakfast. I had received in the mail a coupon for a $5.00 medium pizza; so I went online and ordered it to be delivered. Since I was still feeling a bit sleep-deprived, I reclined in my new lift chair, and flipped on the TV. After surfing for a bit, I encountered a NCAA (basketball) tournament game.

I am not a great basketball fan. I prefer to watch (in this order) football, soccer, and baseball. I never get March Madness and don’t even watch the tournament unless one of the universities from which I have a degree is playing. Since I have degrees from the University of Kentucky and the University of Louisville, it is often the case that one if not both are among the final sixteen teams.

I only learned that the University of Louisville was in the tournament when I heard that President Obama had stated that he believed that the University of North Carolina would defeat U of L in the championship game..

So I wasn’t completely surprised when I surfed to a NCAA game in which the University of Louisville was playing another Kentucky school, Morehead University, where several of my friends attended college. A few minutes later the pizza arrived, so I returned to the life chair, and settled back to watch the game.

A few minutes later, I decided I needed something to drink with the pizza and, when I opened the refrigerator, I saw that I still had five beers left from the St. Patrick’s Day 6-pack that I had purchased. I opened a bottle and returned to the lift chair and the pizza.

I hadn’t planned to watch the NCAA Tournament! But here I was, reclining in front of the TV, watching basketball, eating pizza and drinking a beer which I believe a few million other American dudes and dudettes are doing during this March Madness!

It was actually a neat experience, especially after the demanding day I had had. It was even enjoyable when Alex decided to jump up on my stomach and explore the pizza I was eating. I think he did sample a bit of sausage before he decided it wasn’t his kind of food and jumped down to the floor to groom his handsome self!

I may watch more basketball during this year’s March Madness!

The Good & the Not So Good

Are you having a good day today?

I really never know how to answer that question. It’s rather like when my mother ask me What’s wrong? Usually I have to then as myself Is there anything wrong? Most of the time I have discovered that there is nothing wrong.

 

Are you having a good day today? is like that. Most often as I reflect upon the events of my day—I do that every evening—I find some (usually most) of the happenings to have been good and some have been not so good.

 

For example, below are a few of the things that I have encountered in the past 24 hours:

This is good: over 500 cats and no cages (Cat House on the Kings) 

The link to the video below was emailed to me by a friend in Arizona. The hyperlink above takes one to the website of the Cat House on the Kings.

This is not so good: Russia announces rearmament 

Mother Russia Statue

The BBC reported Tuesday that Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has announced that Russia will initiate “a comprehensive military rearmament from 2011.” The rearmament will begin “all our strategic nuclear forces."

 Is the arms race back—or is this an attempt by Russia to check NATO on the great chess game called “diplomacy?” Medvedev gave the reason for Russian rearmament as concern regarding “NATO expansion near Russia's borders and regional conflicts.” Hmmmm. Me thinks the answer is that it’s a grand chess move. After all, the Russians are the best chess players in the world.

This is good: the natty muscle in my right thigh is 90% healed.

The doc from MD2U come to my house early this morning. After doing bit of testing of my right leg (that I injured) back in January, we concluded that my leg is at least 90% healed and it is safe for me to drive. That good because I have two VA medical appointments on Friday at two different locations.

This is not so good: While the doc was here, she found that my blood pressure is elevated. I have never before had elevated blood pressure! Usually I have had low blood pressure.

This is not so good: I have created a Cookie Monster-like furball.

I snapped the photograph below on the third time in less than half-an-hour that Alex invited (read: clawed) me to go to his feeding station on top of our his kitchen table. If you will note his two-sided dish, you can tell that both sides are fairly well covered by food. That’s the way it looked the first, second, and third times that Alex invited (read: clawed) me to go to his feeding.

Alex does not want cat food. Alex wants Kitty Kat Treats! He jumps up on the table and sits looking at his dish until I open his jar of treats and place a few into his bowl. This has been going on for several weeks and Alex has already eaten a complete jar of treats and has gotten well into a second.

The treats are supposedly good for cats and, among other things, freshens kitty kat breath. However, they are damned expensive!

This is good:  and very, very, very like Alex!

This is good: coming out of the darkness.

This is very good: Earth Day, April 22^nd

An Irish Song or Twa

An Irish Song ~ The Mitchell Trio

As I walked out one May morning

To take a pleasant air

I saw a pretty girl walking by

With roses in her hair

I stepped right up and I said to her

Pretty girl, I think you're grand

She answered me and said, of course

I come from Ireland

I come from Ireland

That's very nice I'm sure, I said

You do the Country proud

But would you like to talke a walk

Somewhere behind the crowd

She said that was a pleasant thought

So we began to roam

And soon we reached a building [?]

Where this girl made her home

Where his girl made her home

She asked me to take off my coat

And rest myself a while

She stepped into another room

Which caused me for to smile

She soon came back to where I sat

She didn't keep me long 

And sitting down beside me said

I think I'll sing a song

I think I'll sing a song

And so this girl began to sing

In a voice both loud and clear

She sang of dear old Ireland

The Country she held dear

She sang me songs I had never heard

She learned from her mother

And when one song was finished

Well she'd start out with another

She'd start out with another

The hours went slipping quickly by

Till daylight all had gone

The night came all around us

And still she sang right on

And when the morning came at last

I said, I have to go

It's been a very pleasant time

And now this much I know

Ireland has leprechauns

She suffered many wrongs

Ireland has peat bog fires

And an awful lot of songs

Four Green Fields ~ Tommy Makem

Children’s Medley ~ Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem

Isn't it Grand Boys ~ Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem

Mr. Moses ~ Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem

Rising of the Moon ~ Clancy Brothers & Robbie O'Connell

Finnegan's Wake ~ Clancy Brothers & Robbie O'Connell

Song for Ireland ~ Clancy Brothers & Robbie O’Connell

Parting Glass ~ Clancy Brothers & Robbie O’Connell

 A Blessing

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand. 

Too Bad It's Monday Jokes & Humor: St. Patrick's Day Edition

In the spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). Today’s humor is from or about Ireland, in celebration of tomorrow’s Saint Patrick’s Day. Whether you are Irish or not, I hope that at least one joke brings you a smile.

Paddy the Kerryman died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Seamus and Seanin (also Kerrymen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Seanin in to identify the body. Seanin took a look at him and said, "Yup he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Seanin looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Seanin said, "Well, Paddy had two assholes."

"What, he had two assholes?" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two assholes...."

A scout for Garryowen rugby club in Limerick is looking for new talent in the war-torn Bosnian Region in Yugoslavia. On watching a rugby match there one day he spots an amazing talent and resolves to take him to Ireland to play for Garryowen. The youngster, dying to get out of his horrible existence, agrees.

Back in Ireland that year Garryowen and their arch rivals Shannon are neck and neck at the top of the league table, entering into the last day of the season.

To make matters more tense, they are playing each other in the last game.At 15 points each going into the last minute of the game the ball drops to Slavan, Garryowen's new Bosnian prodigy, who runs past 3 Shannon players to score the winning try. Soon after there are wild celebrations as Garryowen celebrate their win.

Slavan is hailed as a hero and invited by the manager to guzzle back champagne back in the dressing room with the rest of the team. But before doing this, Slavan insists that he be able to ring his mother at home to tell her the good news.

On the phone to his mother, he says "Guess what mum, you won't believe what happened here today, we won the game and I scored the winning try and I'm a hero....."

His mother interrupts ".....you selfish ba*tard", she says "you are always thinking of yourself. Do you have any idea what happened to us today. Your father has been killed, your sister was taken away from us and given a good seeing to, and our house has been burnt to the ground!".

"But Mum, your not being fair. You're acting as if all this was my fault", says Slavan.

You're damn right it is", she replies. "It was your fu*kin' idea for us to move to Limerick....!!!"

Lost at sea, two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To his amazement, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke. "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Scotsman, and Paddy the Welshman were all flying together in an airliner. The captain announced that they were losing altitude rapidly and that one of them would have to jump out to save the others.

"I do this for the glory of Scotland," said Paddy the Scotsman and he jumped out.

"We need to lose more weight," said the captain, so Paddy the Welshman shouted, "I do this for the glory of Wales," and jumped out.

"Sorry," said the captain. "I'm afraid we need to lose the weight of just one more person."

"I do this for the glory of Ireland," said Paddy the Irishman as he threw Paddy the Englishman out of the plane.

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. 'Brenda , may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'.

'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim ... But where's my husband?'

'That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery'

'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda. 'Please don't tell me.'

'I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim. 'How did it happen, Tim?’

'It was terrible, Brenda... He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned.'

'Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?'

'Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.'

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.

'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.

'That little O'Conner,' says Sean. 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'

'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'

'Well,' says Sean , 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going,everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other.

The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court".

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."

The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK."

"Well," said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The Judge instantly responded... "That must of hurt!"

Paddy replies "HURT! ... He broke three of me fingers."

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinnesses in 10 minutes."

Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.

One guy even leaves the bar.

A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"

"Sure," he says.

So, the bartender lines 10 Guinnesses up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.

As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"

The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

Voted Best Joke in Ireland
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life! Between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

KATZ