Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday Morning Coming Down Again

Back on Sunday, May 29th, I wrote about Chris Kristofferson's song, Sunday Morning Coming Down, and said that it’s been a long time since I’ve had a morning like that. Well, I had another one this morning.

This morning (unlike the song) had nothing to do with playing guitar all night or drinking or smoking. Rather, this morning and all of today has been about evaluating my life, my losses, and the feeling of emptiness I have had for so long. I have attempted to deny and hide that emptiness by keeping busy doing for and helping other people. It usually works, but not today.

Perhaps the combination of being physically ill—which I am—combined with anticipated future shortfalls is affecting me. And it didn’t help that Alex went outside last night at 10:00 p.m. and didn’t come home until after noon today. I was anxious about the little fellow.

The ailment of having difficulty breathing has been with me for several days now. Of course, that has come every fall since I returned to Louisville eight years ago. I hope and pray that this year I won’t be hospitalized with pneumonia or bronchitis.

The feeling of having few acquaintances who aren’t professional associates is something that I know I need to change, but don’t know how.

I need to pull out of this—somehow.