32 Things You Never Wanted to Know About Me

I can’t sleep, so I may as well write. And since my creativity seems to be at a low, I’ll finally respond to Thomas’s tag and write 32 things about me, myself, and even I.

1. I was born on February 14th—Saint Valentine’s Day.

2. I was married for 30 years and have been divorced for 5 years.

3. Both of my sons were born on June 12th, which is also the birthday of my paternal grandfather, for whom I am named: Nicholas Lawrence Temple—old Terrible Nick Temple (TNT).

4. I can read and even translate a bit of Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Arabic, and German. I can speak none of those languages, at least so that a native speaker could understand me.

5. I played football and golf in high school. Football has left me with injuries in my shoulder and knee, both of which are fine weather forecasting tools—I know when it is going to rain before the TV weatherperson knows.

6. I play the guitar. I once played it quite a bit.

7. My cat, Alex, used to sleep curled up in my bed with some part of his body touching mine. Now that he has grown up, he only jumps on the bed when he wants to nurse on my thumb.

8. I’ve have owned two sports cars: a British MGB and an Italian Fiat. Neither started when I wanted it to start but both would stop when I did not want them to stop. The MBG with its top up looked exactly like a pregnant hamster wearing a baseball cap. The Fiat’s wring harness reminded me of multi-colored spaghetti.

9. I first told people that I wanted to be an ordained minister when I was 14-years old. My German Uncle Otto said, “Ach, Nicky, you don’t want to be a preacher. Dem preachers starve to death.” After I left the army, I became a social worker. My Uncle Otto then said to me, “I told you don’t be a preacher ‘cause dem preachers starve to death, so, you dumb ass, you become a social worker so you can starve to death.” I entered Eden Theological Seminary when I was 39 years old.

10. My first love was named Candy. We were both elected “Most Likely to Succeed” in high school; we both graduated from the University of Kentucky; we both earned M.S.S.W. degrees from the Kent School of Social Work at the University of Louisville; we both practiced social work. I have not seen Candy since we were at the University of Kentucky. Following my divorce in 2000, I attempted to locate Candy. I traced her to Phoenix, AZ, but have never found her.

11. I presently weight 350 pounds and have probably lost 1400 pounds in my lifetime.

12. In high school I won 2nd place in an all-city bowling tournament.

13. I am an excellent cook, although most of the women in my life have always run me out of my own kitchen.

14. I love the desert and the mountains and wonder why I have always lived in allergen-filled river valleys.

15. I lived in St. Louis for three years and have never been to Bush Gardens or the top of the arch.

16. The fastest car I ever owned was a 1966 Pontiac GTO.

17. I prefer to sleep nude.

18. Three of the last five women I have dated were or had been exotic dancers—strippers. I have seldom been inside of a strip club.

19. I am still a ‘60s folk singer.

20. I have a beard that has been on my face since I left the army in 1972.

21. I have been the owner of 4 dogs—Boo Boo, Tippy, Bruno, and Muffin—and the master of none.

22. My father once killed my gold fish by pouring hot water into its bowl because he thought the fish looked cold.

24. I have had pneumonia 4 times since I returned to Louisville in 1998.

25. My oldest son nick-named me “The Saint.”

26. My youngest son told me to stop earning degrees after I earned my second masters: “Dad, every time you get another degree you end up making less money.”

27. My #2 son was executive chef of a 5-star resturaunt.

28. My #1 son published computer technical articles in a national journal when he was 17 years old.

29. My house is a mess.

30. I fall asleep watching baseball games on TV.

31. I do a tremendous amount of work for which I am not paid.

32. I feel exhausted and still know that I won’t be able to sleep.