Good-bye, Secretary Rumsfeld

In the Words of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld:

"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond, cleverly."

"Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war."

"I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's what I said."

"Needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."

"We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead."

"Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don't know we don't know."

On Iraq's weapons of mass destruction: "There's another way to phrase that and that is that the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. It is basically saying the same thing in a different way. Simply because you do not have evidence that something does exist does not mean that you have evidence that it doesn't exist."

"If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond, cleverly."

"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty."

"I don't do quagmires."

"I don't do diplomacy."

"I don't do foreign policy."

"I don't do predictions."

"I don't do numbers."

"I don't do book reviews."

"Now, settle down, settle down. Hell, I'm an old man, it's early in the morning and I'm gathering my thoughts here."

Rumsfeld as the Butt of Late Night Jokesters:

"Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney got full endorsement from President Bush. That's like Curly and Larry getting a vote of confidence from Moe." ~ David Letterman

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld had surgery on his shoulder yesterday. Apparently, he wrenched it while trying to pull his foot out of his mouth.". ~ Jay Leno

"Rumsfeld is defiant. He says he is not backing down and he says he's going to stick around and let people criticize him for the Iranian invasion." ~ David Letterman

"But not all the generals are against him. He still has the support of a lot of generals: General Electric, General Dynamics, General Motors." ~ Jay Leno, on generals calling for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld told senators that the Geneva Convention on prisoner's rights applies in Iraq, but not for prisoners held in Guantanamo Bay. When asked what the difference was Rumsfeld said that nobody has pictures of Guantanamo Bay." ~ Conan O'Brien

“Today at a speech in New Hampshire, President Bush defended the war in Iraq saying, 'I was not about to leave the security of American people in the hands of madman.' So, I guess he's firing Donald Rumsfeld." ~ Jay Leno