Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Last Week's Jokes in my Email

There were not many jokes in my emails last week. Perhaps folks were busy with last minute Christmas stuff?

Here's what I received. (The video was a link from a friend in Canada).

eaven is a place where the police are English; the chefs are Italian; the car mechanics are German; the lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is a place where the police are German; the chefs are English; the car mechanics are French; the lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars.

“That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?"

Christmas card from your attorney:

Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until she found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"

And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.


  1. I think they're fine:)

    But my computer is cranky - I'll be back when I can to view your video - it looks like a good one...

  2. Hey - Don't poke fun at our Canadian traditions. Three crying babies is a French Canadian tradition but two missing parts is a traditional gift that unites the entire country.

    Hope you had a great Christmas!

  3. That 12 days of Christmas is cute!
    I am still laughing at the angel atop the tree. I can guess what Santa told the angel to do with the trees, which is exactly what I told my husband he could do with his new golf clubs when he suggested that we go golfing Christmas afternoon.

  4. The 12 days of Christmas video was long. I almost abandoned it at the 9th day. However, I'm glad I stayed for all of the days: that 12th day is a real hoot!

  5. Very funny Nick. I especially liked the highway sign joke and the angel story. Thanks for brightening my day.

  6. hehehehe roflwmp. thank you!

    hope yours was a merry merry and a cool yule!

  7. Enjoyed the video, especially the 'five extra pounds' part. ec