Karl, Rove the Boat Ashore, Alleluia!

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. ~ Art Buchwald

What now seems like a lifetime ago, back before His Royal Highness George V (Dubya) followed his father, George IV (George Herbert), to the presidency of these United States (if you remember your American history, the last king we had prior to George IV was George III [George William Frederick], King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, our monarch until we Americans successfully seceded from his monarchy), several of my friends and I had an on-going discussion of the Intelligence Quotient of our soon to be Lord and Master.

In those days we really didn’t know much about Dubya, except he was the crown prince, had owned a baseball team, inherited oil money, had been governor of the second largest (in land mass) state of these United States, and took exceptional (and possibly erotic) pleasure in signing death warrants. Even then, however, we (Democrats and Republicans, conservative and liberals that we were) suspected that Dubya wasn’t too bright, either because of some fallacy of genetic inheritance or perhaps from frying his brain with all the coke he snorted as a young prince of the realm. None of us (Democrats and Republicans, conservative and liberals) really expected him to be elected to the office of president (king), even though the U.S. oil cartel had granted him the largest political war chest in our young nation’s history.

After Dubya’s surprising election win and his coronation as King George V (American conservatives, who are monarchists at heart, have been saying for more than 200 years that they much prefer having a king to having a president), we were not surprised when he gathered around him those who had loyally served his father. After his selection of Halliburton Corporation chief executive officer, Dick Cheney, faithful servant of King George IV, former White House Chief of Staff, U.S. Representative and Secretary of Defense, to be his Vice Presidential running mate, we rather expected that he would surround himself with “good ole boys.”

What we didn’t know until much later was that the real “brains” of the administration was one Karl Christian Rove, Deputy Chief of Staff to his royal highness, who, prior to his employment at the White House had been a political consultant for almost exclusively for Republican candidates. As King George V’s Chancellor Supreme, Rove did the thinking that the king was incapable of doing and is suspected of having more influence on the king than even the “good ole boys” tandem of Chaney and Rumsfeld.

Thus, the impending departure of Karl Christian Rove from King George V’s brain—I mean, “side”—leaves his royal highness in quite a pickle. I am evidently not the only analyst of the Bushite monarchy to suspect this, as the pictorial commentaries below indicate: