Monday, October 15, 2007

Too Bad It's Monday (TBIM) Jokes

In the spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad Its Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God Its Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved.

CELEBRITY WISDOM [R.G.F., West Virginia]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 am in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 am in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing waiting for a push,” replies the drunk.

[M.C., Ireland]


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer—you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake—he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" [F., California]



  1. great stuff, I might steal a few of these for the other blog.
    I'm going to link you as I am composing a new list.

  2. That could possibly be the only thing Woody Allen ever said that I thought was funny. Thanks Nick!

  3. I wait for these on Monday now!
    See Nick, I am hooked on your jokes, so funny!!!!!

  4. These are all good, but I really love the old ads.

  5. I can’t believe that doctors really smoked or were in cigarette ads. I feel enlightened.

  6. The punch line of the one about the drunk wanting a push hit me with such a burst that, when my laughter came, I almost fell off my chair.

  7. oh that was hysterical! i love those cats!

  8. I love your Monday posts!

    In fifty years, people will be showing ironic posters from the 2000s, and laugh about what we thought was healthy. "Got Milk?" may be right up there with "They're happy because they eat lard."

  9. I laughed too hard at the attorney joke. That one is just awesome!

  10. LOL, funny quotes.
    ... and the old ads are GREAT!

  11. Nick,
    You succeeded....I counted at least 12 smiles and a couple of LOLs. My fav is the Robin Williams blood joke. You also made me feel a little sad....I actually remember some of those ads, now that's sad.

    Yep, I've become a reader.