Saturday, December 22, 2007

Gleanings on a Saturday Morning

Who says us old dudes can’t learn new tricks or other things. Here is some stuff I have learned in the past few weeks:

  • If the instructions on the medicine read Take with Food, do so. Definitely do not take it with grapefruit juice on an empty stomach unless you want stomach pain and nausea.

  • On those rare occasions when the cat is already in bed before you, do not try to climb over him unless you have first stuffed ear plugs into your ears.

  • Start shutting the bathroom door completely when sitting on the toilet. Otherwise the cat will wander in, leap upon your naked thighs, and then upon your fat belly to take a nap.

  • When eating a ham and cheese on toast, do not put the sandwich on the dinning table and turn away to get a glass of milk unless you want to literally share the ham and cheese with the cat.

  • Alex can leap a hell of a lot higher than I thought he could.

  • Make sure the cat is not searching for ham inside the refrigerator before closing refrigerator door.

  • When you place Christmas wrapping paper on the shopping list you give to your housekeeper, check first to be sure you have tape to seal the wrapped presents.

  • When you are in conversation with someone whose name you have forgotten, say “Excuse me, but your name has slipped from my memory.” Never think you can get by winging it.

  • When the estimate for the car repair is $124.00, do not bank on it. Rather, go to the bank (or on line) and make a very large transfer of funds from your savings account into your checking account—or, alternatively, cash a Certificate of Deposit or two.

  • When the cat goes outside to play in the winter and the temperature is relatively warm, do not expect the furball to come home in less than a couple of hours.

  • When attempting to use a warm, wet wash cloth to remove coal dust from the cat’s head and back, remember the cat’s aversion to water/wetness. Otherwise, after the first swipe of the cloth across the cat’s fur, you will spend the next half hour attempting to locate/recapture the cat.


  1. That's a lot of stuff you picked up there. And Alex really does feel superior, doesn't he? :-)

  2. Yeah, I agree with Alex. Seems you're underestimating him too much Nick. And he's using it to his advantage.

  3. all good advice, haha. wills has got a cold, it seems. but he still wants to go out and play. and now i've caught one, probably off him! blinkin' winter.

  4. Ha! And these are just the things you SEE Alex doing. I picture him painting Picassos and drinking wine coolers when you're not around.

  5. Ha ha you reminded me of a story my husband told me about when he first got our 2 cats.
    He went for a nice long soak in the bath, Ginger Cat was having a nosey about, jumped onto the edge of the bath and not knowing what water was in particular, jumped straight in to give Chris a cuddle!
    Ouch ouch ouch ouch!

  6. Where did he get the coal dust I wonder? Have a Good Christmas and a Healthy New Year Nick and Alex.

  7. ALEX (MY) CAT: Silly cat!

    SQUIRL: Superior? To Alex I’m just a “silly human.”

    PHISHEZ_RULE : I think you’re right. I do underestimate him. For example, it was only a couple of days ago that I first saw him (and realized that he could) leap from the floor to the counter top.

  8. MAXXO: I hope you and Wills get well soon! Of course, Wills going outside to play may be good for him (who understands cats?) and restful for you.

    MOONBEAM McQUEEN: You are so right! I would love to put a “critter cam” on him to record where he goes and what he gets into.

    POLGARIA: The story is so cat-like, beside which the same happened to Alex and me a few years ago. Now Alex walks the edge of the bath tub like it’s a tight rope and occasionally walks out in my chest and curls up for a nap.

  9. QUEENIE: The houses around me are almost all over 100 years old and had coal bins in their basements. Alex used to get in and out of the basement of my house through where the door to its coal bin was once located. He never got coal dust on him then. Since that way has been closed to him, I’m sure that my furball and maybe one or more of his mates have found a coal bin in another house in the neighborhood to explore.

  10. Merry Christmas Nick!!!

    I love your new photo!!

  11. Your gleanings taught me quite a bit. I wonder how much of your cat wisdom can be transferred to my neurotic dog.

  12. BETH: Merry Christmas to you, too. The photo isn’t really new. I used it as my ID photo for a long time, until I decided that I ought not look like Christmas 12 months out of the year. But it is Christmas now, so the photo’s back.

    RGF: You give me an idea. I never thought of Alex as neurotic, but…maybe, just maybe, he is.

    GRANNY: I think you’re right. At the moment Alex is out side and I just heard a very loud and long roll of thunder. The door is open and he hasn’t come back inside. I shall see how smart the furball is!

  13. Ah, yes, many a time have I nearly shut one of the cats in the fridge as they got a bit too curious...

    Great list there, Nick! Merry Christmas!

  14. BROOKSIE: Thank you, Brooksie. I learn slowly sometimes, but I do quickly recognize my blunders.

    Each time Alex barely escapes disaster because of his inquisitiveness, I give thanks that the furball started out with 9 lives and wonder how many he has left.

  15. So much to learn in a lifetime and so little time. You, my dear Rev Saint, have gleaned a good deal in recent days. I note that most of what you have learned has been from Alex, who must be an excellent teacher.

  16. Excellent post, Nick! You really made me laugh with that ham one... LOL!

  17. AZSONOFAGUN: Yes, Rex, I have learned a hell of a lot from Alex. Most of which I never thought I needed to learn.

    THE LONE BEADER: Thank you, Ms. Beader! Laughter was my prime objective in documenting those gleanings.

    MATT-MAN: They certainly are words to live by, especially if one is as neurotic as the vast majority of Americans.