Monday, January 05, 2009

Too Bad It's Monday (TBIM) Jokes & Humor

In the spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved. 

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!" 

Sometimes it pays to be patient.

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. 

"What are my choices?" he asked. 

"Yes or No," she replied.

A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn't receive some divine intervention. 

The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning. 

A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office."

A primary school teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Now imagine this," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and calling for help. His wife hears the noise, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she runs to the bank?"

A little girl raised her hand and asked, "Was it to draw out all his savings?"




It's a hundred billion dollars
    Every year at your expense,
For the Pentagon to gadget up
    Our national defense.
But it's comforting to know that
    In the up and coming war,
We'll be dying far more safely
    Than we ever died before. 

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" 

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." 

"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?" 

"Oh, the stork brought us too." 

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted. 

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. 

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.

The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer





  1. the one on childbirth, Nick.

  2. Love the santa cartoons Nick! :)

    Don't forget to stop by and collect what I've left for you. x

  3. Amazing bunch of great jokes in all shapes and forms! Some great ones there. I wonder how you find time to do a post like this every day!

  4. Every week there's at least one that I haven't heard before. And I always love the cats!

  5. Puss-in-Boots : I think that one was funny, too—and, having been raised by a sexually repressed mother, much to real.

    Akelamalu : Thanks, darlin’. I’ve been over to your place and collected my “Ear.”

    Seev: Welcome to Nick’s Bytes! How do I find the time to do the TBIM post? I work on it for 7 days! As soon as I receive an acceptable joke in my email, I add it to the blog. Then, for about half an hour or so on Sundays I final editing and pre-set the post to upload at 12:01 AM on Monday.

    Actually, in time, my Wednesday Coffeehouse post take much, much more longer to compose than the jokes’ post.

    Thomas: Thanks, my friend. You know, I have so many unpublished KATZ I could do nothing but post them for a week and still not share them all.

  6. Thanks for the laughs, Saintly Nick

  7. Nick
    The picture of patience was priceless and I was glad to not be having anything to drink when I read the boys childbirth report. Thanks for making me laugh. Peace

  8. Thanks, again, for the Monday laughs!

  9. Through your TBIMs I've grown to love the Katz. The Santa jokes were pretty darn cute, too.

    Thanks for the smiles, Nick!

  10. Abby: You are most welcome.

    Lady Di Tn : Both were humorous. I thank the folks who emailed them to me.

    Squirl: You are most welcome.

    Carol: I’m glad you like KATZ, because at the moment I have more than 300 that I’ve yet to publish. No new Santa cartoons; I suppose I’ll have to wait until next year to receive more.

  11. Had to borrow that post office one!

    Love the lol cats - especially the ekonomizing on vetz bills!

    Happy New Year, Nick!

    Kat & the 4 Cats.

  12. Nick, I literally laughed out loud when I saw all the reindeer stopped to watch a girl cross the street.

    Why is poor Santa still so funny on January 7th?? ;)

  13. It just hit me "Hey! I missed Nick's funnies on Monday!"

    LOVED all of the LOL cats. The socks one was sooooo cute.