Too Bad It's Monday (Jokes, video, & KATZ)

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes  Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."



As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Do You Know Santa's True Profession???

Consider the following:

1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers
to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits
with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work anywhere near a 40 hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.

Santa is obviously member of the U.S. Congress!

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... 

I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... 

 I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." 

 His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"


To All Employees
From Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

• Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
• Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
• Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
• Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."
• Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.
• All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
• Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
• The staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday

KATZ