T.B.I.M Jokes and KATZ on Earth Day

I apologize for the delay in posting today's Too Bad It's Monday. I'm still feeling quite ill.

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my eye! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Two polar bears are walking around in the arctic  a father and son pair. The son looks at the father and says, "Dad I've got a question, are you sure I am 100% polar bear?"

The father looks at his son and says, "Yes son you're 100% polar bear."

 "OK" the son says. They keep walking and about 20 minutes later the son again says: "Are you sure I am 100% polar bear?" 

The father again says, "Yes son you're 100% polar bear." 

"OK" the son says. Then about 30 minutes later the son says, "OK Dad be serious. Are you sure I am 100% polar bear? Are you sure there is no black bear or grizzly bear in me??" 

"Yes son you're 100% polar bear, I am 100% polar bear and so is your mother. Why do you keep asking son?" 

The son says, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm freezing."

A Georgia woodpecker and a Kentucky woodpecker were arguing about which state had the toughest trees. The Georgia woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Kentucky woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Georgia woodpecker was in awe. 

The Kentucky woodpecker then challenged the Georgia woodpecker to peck a tree in Kentucky that was absolutely un-peckable. The Georgia woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. 

After flying to Kentucky, the Georgia woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. 

The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Kentucky woodpecker was able to peck the Georgia tree and the Georgia woodpecker was able to peck the Kentucky tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state? 

After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

KATZ

 

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