Too Bad It's Monday

Ia b Alex. MY hoomin bean aint b feelinz OK. OK? So deez Bytes aint beryz longz as usualz. OK?

Q & A Cats

Q. How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning herself? 
A. She’s smoking a cigarette.

Q: What do you get if you cross a leopard with a watchdog? 
A: A terrified postman! 

Q: Why don't cats like online shopping? A: They prefer a cat-alogue. 

Q: What did the cat say when he lost all his money? 
A: I'm paw! 

Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? 
A: She had mittens. 

Q: What do you call a lion who has eaten your mother's sister? 
A: An aunt-eater! 

Q: What do tigers wear in bed? 
A: Stripey pyjamas! 

Q: What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? 
A: The purrpatrator. 

Q: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge? 
A: Because it turns "ice" into "mice"! 

TRUE(?) At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. 

About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!" 

WRITTEN BY AN ENGLISHMAN? An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get twisted at the local pub one night and conspire to rob the bank down the street. Drunk as they are, they attempt to rob the bank but are too drunk to pull it off. 

As the alarms scream, they leg it out of the bank and down the alley. Hot on their heals are the cops, responding to the alarm. 

As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a Cats and Dogs Home and jump over the fence into the kennel yard. They see three burlap sacks lying on the ground and they each crawl into an empty bag. 

The cops leap over the fence behind them and spot the three bulging sacks on the ground. One cop kicks the first sack and the Englishman says, “Bark! Bark!” 

“Ah, must be a dog!” says the cop and he kicks the second sack.

 The Scotsman says, “Meow!” and the cop nods his head, exclaiming, “Must be cats!” and turns his focus on the last sack, kicking it sharply. 

The Irishman cries out, “Potatoes!

A man was playing 18 holes by himself. On the 15th tee he hooked his ball into some buttercups along the left of the fairway. Being an honorable man, he penalized himself one stroke and moved his ball out of the pretty flowers. 

Then a fairy appeared. She said "Thank you for moving your ball out of the earth's beautiful buttercups, you will now be blessed with an unlimited supply of butter for the rest of your life!" 

"Well, thanks," the man replied, "but where were you yesterday when I hit my ball into the pussywillows?" 

A little boy opened the big family bible.He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. 

Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 

"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. 

"What have you got there, dear?" 

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" 

KATZ