Too Bad Its Monday Humor and KATZ

Reasons Why a Woman WOULD LIKE to Be Santa Claus

• There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
• No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work.
• Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life.
• You'd always work in sensible footwear.
• You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
• There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss.
• Juggling work and family would be easy.  All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap.
• You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home.
• You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus.
• No one would ask to see your job description.

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That’s still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap.”

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. There was a romantic full moon, and Huan Cho said, "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now. Lets just look at the moon", said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I had rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once... play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang...

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

Do you know what would have happened if there had been Three Wise WOMEN instead of Three Wise MEN?

The WOMEN would have:

- Asked directions,

- Arrived on time,

- Helped deliver the baby,

- Cleaned the stable,

- Made a casserole, and

- Brought practical gifts (like diapers!)

At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!"

Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

It was a cold and misty Christmas morning in the very depth of Winter after a heavy fall of snow and only one farmer and the minister managed to arrive at the church for the morning service. 

“Well”, said the clergyman “'I guess there's no point in having a service today.” 

“Well that's not how I see it,” said the farmer. “If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.'

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...

I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... 

I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

KATZ