Monday, December 28, 2015

Too Bad Its Monday Humor + KATZ

The Indians asked their Chief in Autumn if the Winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the Winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be Prepared. 

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" 

The man on the phone responded, "This Winter is going to be quite cold indeed." 

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. 

A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" 

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold Winter." 

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. 

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the Winter is going to be very cold?" 

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. 

"If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. 

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. 

After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." 

Winters are fierce in Minnesota where he lives, so the owner of a construction project felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the project manager asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?" 

The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty." 

"Why don't you wear them?" The Project Manager said. 

The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"

 Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.

"It was the most amazing thing ... it was the most amazing thing." she kept repeating dazedly.

"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the rescuers.

"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly drain away."

 A young woman got lost driving in a New England snowstorm. A snowplow passed, so she started following it. After 30 minutes, the plow stopped, and the driver asked what she was doing. 

“My father always told me that if I got lost in a snowstorm, I should follow a plow,” the woman said. 

“Oh,” the driver replied. “Well, I’m almost done with this parking lot. If you want, you can follow me over to the next one.”


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