Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Good Advice that I Forgot

We were followed—or is that “stalked”—the other night.

I picked up a friend from her job at a sports bar and drove her home because her regular transportation wasn’t available. She wanted, and needed, some coffee after 8 hours on her feet, so we stopped at a convenience store and she went in to get herself a cup of joe. A few moments later I realized I needed cigarettes, so I entered the store as she was exiting it.

When I returned to the car, I found this young dude leaning against it and “chatting her up.” When my friend saw me, she motioned me to get in and drive, which I did. Then she said that the guy had been a customer at the bar and must have been waiting for her to leave. He had followed us from her place of employment.

That really bothers me, especially since I’ve had it happen before. Last summer a friend and I went to a movie and as we left I noticed that a red Corvette was following us. Well, I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but I took a wrong turn into a cul-de-sac and the Corvette was turning in as I was exiting.

I tried to lose the Vette before I entered the expressway system and actually thought that I had. Yet, when I parked at my friend’s apartment complex, there was that damned car pulling into the far side of the complex’s parking lot. I wanted to walk over to it and confront the driver, but my friend persuaded me not to take the risk. Instead, we went into her apartment and kept looking out the window until, about forty-five minutes later, we saw the Corvette pull away. A couple of house later, before I returned to my house, I walked around the parking lot to make sure the Corvette wasn’t around. It wasn’t, but I was still uncomfortable about leaving.

Last year I shared this story with another woman I know who also worked as a waitress and had been followed from her place of employment more than once. She gave me some good advice: don’t confront the stalker, don’t try to lose him in traffic, just drive to the nearest police station and hail a policeman.

I wish I had done that the other night, but I had completely forgotten about her advice until after the incident. I hope it doesn’t happen again, but if it does, I really trust that I will remember what she suggested.


  1. That is bizarre. And frightening. I've wondered a couple of times if I was being followed but it never turned out to be, thankfully.

  2. Bizarre, frightening, and evidently not as uncommon as I, at least, thought. The guy who followed us the other night had had some contact —i.e., spoken to—my friend at her place of employment. However, the guy in the Corvette had evidently just seen her/us, probably in the parking lot of the movie theater. Whatever “turned on” either of these guys is a mystery to me. I suppose the lesson is a negative one: it can happen and if it can happen, it probably will happen. Be careful, sonson!

  3. I cant even count the number of times I was followed from work. Sometimes people actually try to run you off the road. Its horrible, and yes the police are the only way to go.

  4. That is frightening, Jessica.

    A close friend who is an exotic dancer has also been followed numerous times. She told me that on one occasion he them boyfriend got out of their car to confront the stalker. It turned out that there were three guys in the other car to beat him badly while she locked the doors of their car and prayed the guys wouldn’t break the windows to get to her.

    She just switched from dancing at one club to another because (1) someone stole all of her tips from her bag while she was dancing and (2), which is the primary reason, the club allowed patrons to congregate outside the door the dancers exited after the club closed. If I were the bouncers in that club, I would clear the doorway for the dancers and preferably the parking lot, too. But, hey, that’s just the way I am: I prefer looking ahead and preventing problems than can be prevented.

  5. Stealing is a huge problem in all the clubs, and yes bouncers should escort all girls to their cars every time, every night no matter what.

    I have had people do things like park their cars way down the street or behind other buildings to wait for me to drive by and follow me, its scary and on weekends I always had someone pick me up because your better off that way for sure.

  6. Candy—her stage name—and I have talked about the various security problems of dancing many times. I have pointed out that her job is to create fantasies for her clients and the danger comes with clients who can’t distinguish fantasy from reality. She’s been dancing off-and-on for 13 years in New York City, Louisville, and Tucson. She says that the stalking problem exists everywhere she has been; however, the difference is in the quality of the security provided by the clubs. She noted that the club she just quit after the theft seemed to have great security for the dancers in its inside, but terrible security outside.

    I think you are right about having someone pick you up. Candy has generally done that except when she was in Tucson. And now, even though I was an intelligence and security officer when I was in the army, I am learning a lot about a different type of security: being a body guard.