Now I am Bellyaching

Last night I wrote that I was feeling a lot of stress, but wasn’t going to bellyache about what I can’t change. Tonight, this being a the beginning of a holiday weekend to which I have been looking forward, I am going to bellyache, if only to help get it out of my system. And what I am going to complain about isn't what was stressing me last night.

I'm feeling damned isolated at the moment. Tonight is the 3rd time in a bit over a week that Candy and I aren't speaking. It’s always been the same two issues and they are issues over which I have no power. They are also issues that I need to talk to someone about, but not in as open a forum as a blog.

Anyway, I had not realized how much I depended upon her and her son as my family. I ate alone at a yuppie coffee shop this evening, something I haven't done in months—eating alone, I mean; I have never before eaten a meal in a yuppie coffee shop. Usually I’d go to Candy's and she would cook for her son and me. Or, we all three would eat out. My dinner tonight was a depressing experience.

And now I am finding my house to be very dark and rather spooky. This house is 100 years old this year and has a lot of history, most of which I don't know.

I interviewed for a job last Wednesday. The woman who did the background records check on me talked to me for a long time about my house. Her family owned it in the 1940s and '50s; she grew up in it. She told me quite a bit about its history, including the number of deaths that have occurred in it, which included a woman who was murdered by her husband.

I am not afraid of "ghosts," but I am feeling very much alone. Come to think of it, I would appreciate the company of a ghost right now.