My Perfect Lover

Tagged! Who me? Yes, me. Vishwa tagged me to write about “What eight qualities do I look for in a perfect lover?” I really don’t think much about the perfect lover, but since we are approaching February and Saint Valentine’s Day, I’ll give it a shot:

Honesty. I look for honesty in all of my relationships. That may be a lot to ask of some people. I know many who would rather tell me what they think I want to hear than tell me the truth. Now, I don’t mean brutal honesty, such as “I will not make love to you because you are too fat,” which is what one potential lover said to me. Rather, by honesty, I simply mean a candidness and openness that leads to really knowing one another. As I try to be straight with others, I expect the same from others.

Compassion. I look for compassion, not only towards me but toward all living creatures. I have a friend—perhaps a potential lover—who cannot stomach cats. Of course, my housemate, Alex, is a cat. At times she has joked about cooking Alex in the microwave and at others times has walked up behind him, stomped her foot, and scared one of his nine lives out of him. But still she is able to show compassion toward Alex and other cats. I appreciate this in her because I know she is allergic to cat dander and being around Alex literally makes her ill.

Intelligence. I hope I don’t sound snobbish, but I really do seek a lover who is intelligent. I have dated women who could have posed for Playboy but can’t carry on a conversation for more than three minutes.

A Sense of Humor. I like to laugh and I like to be around people who laugh and have a sense of humor. That doesn’t mean that they have to share my sometimes absurd wit or appreciate my jokes. It does mean that they have an exuberance that goes beyond the serious side of life.

Adventurous. I like taking risks and I enjoy a woman who is also a risk taker. By that, I don’t mean one—as one of my friends is—who takes unnecessary and sometimes hazardous or self-destructive risks. By adventurous I mean a woman isn’t timid, but who is daring, courageous, willing to explore new things and places—a woman who may even be audacious at times.

Sensuous. I am not speaking of being sensuous in the sexual meaning of the term—although I have never rejected a woman who is—but in an aesthetic way. A woman who enjoys splendid food and drink, who can enjoy exotic places or a stroll through the countryside, who isn’t bored gazing at fine art. I once had the pleasure of introducing a woman to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. She argued with me—she did not want to spend an afternoon in such a “highbrow” place—she said she would rather see a Broadway show (which is what we later did). However, once inside the Met, her sensuous nature took over and, as she later shared with me, she returned many times after I had departed the city.

A Sense of Social Justice. I suspect that having a sense of social justice isn’t found on too many lists of qualities one desires in the perfect lover. However, since justice—and peace—are important to me, I much prefer being with people who share those concerns. One of my favorite women—a potential lover?—doesn’t outwardly express her concern for justice. However, if one really gets to know her, one sees in her actions her reaching out to people who are oppressed and her indignation when confronted with injustice.

Love. I have saved love for last. A perfect lover for me would be a woman who loves me as much as I love her. I have loved women who did not love me and I have been loved by women who I may have liked and respected, but did not love. Without mutual love there can be no passion in any relationship between a man and a woman.

Lovers

Well, Vishwa, that's my list. I considered several other attributes of my perfect lover, but these eight came out on top. Thank you for tagging me; I don’t believe I would have performed this exercise had you not challenged me to do so.