Little White Lies

You said you were coming over to help me with the yard work, but you never showed up.

I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

I don’t understand what you mean.

When you asked to me help, I had something else to do, but I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

I still don’t understand what you are saying.

I didn’t have time to come cover—other plans, you know—but I told you I would come over so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings.

You can’t hurt my feelings because they are mine and you don't control them. You can tell me the truth and let me take care of my own feelings.

There are all types of lies, untruths, falsehoods, fibs, and tall tales— whatever you want to call them. What most have in common is that the speaker says what he or she says in order to deceive the hearer. Well, not always: sometimes the teller of a lie has convinced him-or herself that the falsehood is really true. That’s when I usually respond to the lie with my own words: “Who are you trying to deceive, me or your self?”

To me, the worst type of lie is the one in which the teller rationalizes that its purpose is to prevent “hurting the feelings” of the hearer. These types of lies are usually not the kinds that do great damage to someone; however, they can be disastrous to a relationship.

Most of the times these lies are not offered to protect the feelings of another, even if that could be done. They are to serve some objective of the one telling the lie, such as avoiding disagreement or not keeping a previously made commitment. I can’t count the number of situation comedy episodes that are based on these “little white lies.” There are many times that I have watched Lucy lie to Desi or Monica fib to Phoebe and thought, “If she would just be honest…” Of course, if the characters were honest with one another, that episode of the program wouldn’t exist.

So I wish folks would not lie to me to protect my feelings! I can deal with my own feelings and I would much rather have someone speak truth than lie.