The World and that New, Final Harry Potter Book:
Follow Up on Cooling Off at 2:00 in the Morning:
When I wrote about the new fan I placed between my desk and my open door to blow relatively cool air on me in the wee hours of the morning, I said that Alex was outside stretching on the cool porch. That has since changed. With the door closed and the outside too hot for cat or human, Alex has been snoozing on the floor beside me. Except when I am not in the room. Then he climbs into my chair directly in front of the fan. I would post a picture of the cooling feline, except that when I enter the room he sheepishly jumps off the chair before I can snap his picture. Usually. Recently Alex has decided that the chair is his and has indicated that I should snooze on the floor instead of him.
From a friend who is a retired FBI agent:
Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.
This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick around... after a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there..... This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.
From a friend who is a nurse:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut your
self and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button...
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Ta
pe.If it doesn't
move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Quote of the Year from a Friend in
She has triple coverage as a minority: She's a woman, she's a lesbian, and she's fat. We ca n't do anything with her. She's like a spotted owl. She's an endangered species. She's protected by the government. ~ Adam Carolla on 'Scarborough Country,' explaining why Rosie O'Donnell is a national treasure.
Perhaps I Should Post Jokes on More Days th
an just Mondays:
Waste Management: The Similarity Between Politicians & Tony Soprano: