Monday, August 23, 2010

Too Bad It's Monday Jokes and Katz

In the Spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved.

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job.

She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."

The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time."

"Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

"No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after."

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night.

Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.

"Certainly, madam," he replied.

"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely.

The receptionist nodded and smiled.

"In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused.

After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.

"Morning madam...sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.

"Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully.

"Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.

"OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written.


He Joined the Navy t0 See the World...And What Did He See:

A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."


                1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
                Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
                Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

                2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
                Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
                Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

                3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
                Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
                Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

                4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
                Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
                Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

                5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
                Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
                Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

                6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
                Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
                Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

                7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
                Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
                Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

                8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
                Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
                Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.




  1. Thank you again for beginning my week with lots of smiles.

  2. I enjoyed them! Thanks, Nick, and have a glorious week!