Monday, May 13, 2013

Too Bad It's Monday Humor Finality Published!

Sometimes Saintly Nick is under the weather, too.

Taylor was desperate for a case, so she was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. 

The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone.

When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split."

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts 
Scientific Principles: 

  1. The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him. 
  2. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score. 
  3. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick. 
  4. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques. 
  5. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer. 
  6. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat. 
  7. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam. 
  8. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours. 
  9. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn. 

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. 

After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. 

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: is our youngest son my child?" 

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." 

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." 

Boss: "Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal." 

Johnson: Montreal! "Nothing comes from there except hookers and hockey players!" 

Boss: "Listen pal, my wife comes from Montreal."

Johnson, without missing a beat replies, "No kidding! What position does she play?"

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows how to count.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." 

"Good. What comes after three." 

"Four," answers the boy. 

"What comes after six?" 

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A Jack." 




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