Monday, June 03, 2013

Too Bad It's Monday (Humor + KATZ)

I b Alex an Sometimes Saintly Nick b MY hoomin bean. OK? He dunt feelz berry OK so dis postie aint as bigz as My bean do lass weekz. OK? I hopez dat MY bean b OKz soons. OK?

I've never gone to bed with an ugly man, but I've woken up with a few. 
~ Anonymous Bimbo

Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately. She produces a lot and she is happy.

The Chief, a lion, was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision. He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor! So he recruited a cockroach who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports.

The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system. He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and he recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.

The lion was delighted with the cockroach’s reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyze trends, so that he could use them for presentations at Board‘s meetings. So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and recruited a fly to manage the IT department.

The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time!

The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked. The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office. The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant, who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimization Plan.

The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset. It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss, the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment.

Having reviewed the charges for running the ant’s department, the lion found out that the production was much less than before.

So he recruited the owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.
The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report, in several volumes, that concluded : “ The department is overstaffed.”

Guess who the lion fires first? The ant, of course, because she “showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude.

~ Adapted from Portuguese by PR. Obrigado Mário

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" 

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" 

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." 

Even George was taken aback: "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." 

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." 

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!" 

George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"




  1. I loved the "ant" story! I saved it and will probably repost it one of these days. :)

  2. It's a lovely post, Alex and I hope your human bean gets well soon. Love from Simi and me. xx woof!