A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's breast is hanging out."
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Well, your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left my baby on the bus!"
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a fly eating popcorn sitting next to him.
"Are you a fly?" asked the surprised man.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The fly replied, "Well, I liked
A police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the ifficer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the ifficer asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he said. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
Two men went hunting. One had been an avid hunter, hunting all his life; the other man was a city boy, hunting for the first time. The avid hunter told city boy to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.
But when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he yelled to thr novice.
"I was when the snake bit me," the man said. "And I was when the bear attacked me. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed."
A married couple go to an agricultural show on a fine Sunday afternoon. THey find themselves watching the auctioning of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than once a week!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's more than twice a week. What do you say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison. T
When the third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was very irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"
An elderly couple go to church one Sunday. Halfway through the service, the wife leans over and whispers in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."