Monday, August 19, 2013

Too Bad It's Monday Humor and KATZ

Boy: Do you want a kiss?
Girl: No. 
Boy: Do you remember what i just said? 
Girl: Do you want a kiss? 
Boy: Yes, if you insist...

A woman went into a bar in El Paso and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. 

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" 
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. 

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. 

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." 

"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit." 

If I were not a Kentuckian living in Kentucky, I would not print these. If you are a Kentuckian and don't like them, just substitute another state, except for the last one because no other state fits the geographical position.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Kentucky upside down? 
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? 
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. 

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down? 
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park. 

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Kentucky? 
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. 

Q: Why are all the trees in Kentucky leaning to the south? 
A: Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows. 

A Jewish man moves into a Catholic neighborhood. Every Friday The Catholics are driven crazy because, while they're eating fish, the Jew is outside barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew to convert him to Catholicism. 

Finally, after many threats and much pleading, the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says, "Born a Jew, Raised a Jew, Now a Catholic." The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but maddening smells every Friday evening. 

But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue wafts through the neighbourhood. The Catholics all rush to the Jew's house to remind him of his new diet. They see him standing over the cooking steak. He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying, "Born a cow, Raised a cow, Now a fish." 

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. 

She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. 

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" 

One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" 

A blond guy and a brunette woman were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. 

The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?" 

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." 

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loudly, you scared away two other patients."