Monday, August 05, 2013

Too Bad It's Monday

By Eaton Beaver Associated Press Writer - AUG 5,2013 8:18 am EST The Energizer Bunny, known best for, "going and going and going..." passed away
last evening at 12:39am. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming,... Foul play has not been ruled out.

After a long night buying a foxy woman drinks, Joe took advantage by giving her a ride home. After the walk to the door, the woman asked Joe in for a nightcap... One thing led to another and before you know it, Joe was naked. 

After making great love Joe rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, Joe asked the girl if she had one at hand. 

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she said. 

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, Joe began to worry. 

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. 

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. 

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked. 

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. 

"Well, who is he then?" demanded Joe bewildered. 

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation." 

A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair. 

The dentist said "Open Wide" 

"I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms."

Microsoft and marijuana

  • You get both for free at first, but once you get hooked they raise the price. 
  • Both will screw up your life eventually. 
  • Microsoft and the drug dealer know that you'll come back for more. 
  • Drug use and Internet Explorer use have dramatically increased in the last few months. 
  • Both crash your system sometimes. 
  • Both marijuana and Internet Explorer are advertised on TV. 
  • Both drug dealers and Microsoft want you to redistribute their products to others. 

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. 

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." 

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door." 

Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? 
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool. 

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 
A: You wouldn’t know, it’s kind of an obscure number 

Q: How do you drown a hipster? 
A: In the mainstream.

Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? 
A: It was too current. 

Q: Why do hipsters love using the subway? 
A: Because its underground. 

Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? 
A: I don’t know, but there’s probably a hipster close by. 


The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building". 
  • The Army will post guards around the place. 
  • The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. 
  • The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. 
  • The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. 


If you enjoy KATZ, you may want to take a look at Alex's blog, Alexicon, where my buddy has posted lots of photos of himself. Sugar, LG and LG's kittens.

For more laughs, you may want to explore these:

Alex says: Plez sendz us somez moneyz so dat my hoomin bean canz affordz to getz himz an uz kitty kidz fooz an stuffz cause MY bean aint got much moneyz cause pastorz dunt hab big pensions an we alwayz iz running outz of moneyz. OK?