Too Bad It's Monday + Dona Nobis Pacem (Blog 4 Peace)

It is not enough that we learn to unmake war. We must learn to remake peace. ~ Mimi Lenox, the founder of BlogBlast For Peace (the Peace Globe movement)  an annual online event that has spread into 185 countries across the globe for the cause of peace

And now to the funnies

Two accountants go to their credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you." 

Observations on Politics thru the Ages

We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office!

~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author 

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician 

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Quoted in Clarence Darrow for the Defense by Irving Stone.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton, American actor/writer

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer, 'the Mark Twain of American Socialism'

I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them". ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Texas Guinan, 19th century American businessman

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

I am reminded of a joke: 

What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That's pollution.What happens if all of them drown? That's a solution!!!

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.

The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"

The farmer looked puzzled, shrugged, and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

The local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony.

However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.

However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders.

The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk.

Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out.

One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell.

Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."

Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night.

"How’s business?" asked the first.

"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper."

Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.

There was an elderly man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nursing for the aged would be appropriate. 

Of course the old man rejected the idea, but no sooner he was convinced that it was the right thing to do. On his first day at the home, he spent most of his time laying in bed reflecting on life, feeling lonely. A while later, an orderly stopped by to seee how the old man's first day was going. 

"How you doing today?", she said to the old man, "First day I see". The Old man replied with a nod. 

In no time the two began talking up a storm. As the conversation began to drag on, the orderly was eyeing the room filled with fresh flowers, cards and balloons from friends and relatives. She noticed a bowl full of peanuts sitting on top of the table next to the bed, and help herself to a handful. 

As the two continued to converse with each other, the orderly kept eating more helpings of the peanuts. She look at her watch and noticed that nearly 2 hours had passed and said, "My goodness, the time has gone by quickly. I have to tend to other people here too." 

"That's okay.", said the old man, "I feel so much better being able to talk to someone." 

Looking into the bowl the orderly said, "I feel awful! I ate almost all of your peanuts!" 

The old man responded, "That's okay. Ever since I got these false teeth, all I could do was suck the chocolate off of them anyhow."

The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. 

"Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Jonathan's hand. 

As he was doing do he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked. 

"Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!" 

"I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered. 

"I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you." 

KATZ

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