Monday, July 07, 2014

Too Bad It's Monday Humor

Nick's not been feeling well, 
so this won't be a very long Nick's Bytes

Wife: "How would you describe me?" 
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." 
Wife: "What does that mean?" 
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." 
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" 
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey, idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." 

The idiot says, "Okay." 

The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" 

The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. 

The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" 

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. 

The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" 

The idiot hands over $5.

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. 

The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." 

The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!"

A man goes to a bar and sees an extremely obese woman dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" 

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" 

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." 

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" 

"N," she answered.


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