Too Bad Its Monday Humor +

The so-called Islamic State of Iraq and Syria has said to Christian that they must convert to Islam, leave their home, or die. People around the world are now using the Arabic letter ن (nun) to show support for Iraqi Christians being persecuted for their faith. Already hundreds are dead, and more than 400,000 men, women and children have been driven from their homes. But if we can convince our leaders to make religious persecution in Iraq a priority, we can save many lives.

The silicon chip inside her head

Gets switched to overload

And nobody's gonna go to school today

She's going to make them stay at home

And daddy doesn't understand it

He always said she was as good as gold

And he can see no reason

'Cause there are no reasons

What reason do you need to be shown

Tell me why - I don't like Mondays

Tell me why - I don't like Mondays

Tell me why - I don't like Mondays

I want to shoot

The whole day down

The hospital's consulting dietitian was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.

'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilizers and pesticides and none of us realizes the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.  Best Monday Jokes

However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' 

A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Karma is not a bitch, it's a boomerang. You threw that shit out there, don't be surprised when it comes back and hits you in the head.

FACEBOOK

Q: How ugly was my ex-girlfriend? 

A: So ugly that Facebook banned her profile pic and sent her back to Myspace! 

Q: Did you hear about the website where you can find a collection of Twitter's best jokes? 

A: It's called Facebook. 

Q: Why did John Connor lead the resistance against the machines? 

A: Skynet refused to give John a Facebook friend request! 

Q: How bad was Facebook's IPO offering? 

A: Dick Cheney wants to take Mark Zuckerberg hunting! 

When I was kid, my social network was called "outside". 

Late Night Funnies

Jimmy Fallon: Yesterday the House of Representatives voted to sue President Obama for abusing his executive powers. Experts are calling this a meaningless political stunt that's a huge waste of taxpayer money, while Congress is saying, "Yep. That's what we do."

David Letterman: Congress is now getting ready to take a month off. From what? Members of Congress need to recharge their batteries for another year of gridlock. Sometimes you wonder about these guys in Congress. Are they there at all?

Craig Ferguson: A woman in Oklahoma called police to complain about the quality of her meth. I'm thinking: How bad could the meth be if it made her high enough to call the cops and complain about it?

Jimmy Kimmel: Congress is about to head off on their August recess, which seems appropriate. Adults go on vacation, children go on recess. So Congress will take the whole month of August off. From what, exactly, I don't know.

Seth Meyers: Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that despite her age she does not plan on retiring and is likely to remain on the court for a while — after which she was immediately traded to the New York Knicks.

Collected from: Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/jokes/#ixzz39OGURt00 

KATZ

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