Too Bad Its Monday Humor + KATZ

Alex's Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray this cushy life to keep.

I pray for toys that look like mice,

And sofa cushions, soft and nice.

I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,

And someone nice to scratch my back,

For windowsills all warm and bright,

For shadows to explore at night.

I pray I'll always stay real cool

And keep the secret feline rule

To never tell my human that

The world is really ruled by cats!

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

Redneck: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender gives him a drink.

Redneck again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender again gives him a drink.

Redneck again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.

Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?

Redneck: As soon as you ask me to pay for these drinks.

A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant each of them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. 

The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female." 

The genie granted the wish. 

The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. 

The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!" 

The genie granted the wish. 

The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. 

The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!" Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!" 

The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, "I wish this bear was gay."

One night a couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky so he rolled over and tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. 

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, but I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." 

Rejected, the husband turns over and tries to sleep. 

A few minutes later he rolls over and whispers in her ear "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?" 

KATZ