If You Ain’t Bein’ Scammed, You May Be…

As a Helper I admit that I can be very naive. There have been many times when I have been the victim of a scam and I didn’t realize it until well after I had been “had.” Of course, there have been other times when someone has scammed me and I have been aware of what was going on from the beginning and just let it happen. And then, of course, there have been times when I have suspected a scam—rightly or wrongly—and backed off.

In many ways scamming and being scammed is just like other “game people play.” Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, described all of those socially dysfunctional behavior patterns we people evince in terms of the "games" that we play. By their very nature, games are essentially devious, toxic and sometimes lethal methods of obtaining strokes, the term Berne used to describe our need for human contact and recognition: just as we require food, air, and water to physically survive, we also require interaction with other people and their recognition of our existence to survive. So we play games with other people, such as these games (Berne’s tags) Why Don’t You; Yes, But; If It Weren’t for You; I’ve Got You Now, You Son-of-a-Bitch, and—my favorite—I am Only Trying to Help You.

Each game can be broken down into its parts, which begins when the initiating player chooses his/her mark, the person with whom the game initiator wants to play. Then we move into:

gimmick - the gimmick is some kind of weakness in the mark
hook - the gimmick is used by the game-player to hook the unsuspecting mark
switch - the switch is pulled when the game-player uses some phrase which changes the direction of the transaction, hooking the mark
crossup - at the point when the switch is pulled, the crossup occurs, i.e. the confusion felt by the mark at having been hooked
payoff - the payoff is when the game-player enjoys having scored a point (his/her payoff) and the mark feels inferior (his/her payoff)

I have come to realize that scamming and being scammed is just like playing these games that Berne descrived. The only difference is, rather than the payoff being psychological for us game players, with a scam the payoff is usually more tangible—money or some material reward.

I wrote above that there have been times when someone has scammed me and I have been aware of what was going on from the beginning and just let it happen. Most of the scams C. pulled on me were like that. I knew she was scamming me, but for some reason allowed the game to be played out to the final payoff.

One of the scams she frequently used would begin with this hook: “Nick, if you don’t help me ______________, then I’ll have to go see _____________ (the cocaine-snorting lawyer that lives a few blocks from me who was one of her “regulars” when she was a stripper) and he’ll want me to stay the night.” C’s prostituting—even her threats to prostitute—usually hooked me. (Perhaps that was because I spent most my 30-year marriage as a cuckold). I finally got to the point when I tired of C’s scams and decided to ignore the hooks she offered; so when she could no longer hook me, she sought some other dude to scam.

Of course, I am not always aware of when I am being scammed, just as I am not always aware of the gimmick within me that responds to being hooked into one of the psychological games that Berne describes. Many times I play the game all the way to the payoff, when I realize what has happened and say to myself, “Oh, Shit! I did it again.”

For example, a few years ago an acquaintance called me to help—there’s that word again—him move into a new apartment. He told me that several of his friends were coming by to assist in the moving. So I went by, too—only to find that I was the only “friend” there. It seems that it wasn’t my help he needed as much as my Honda CR-V to transport his stuff. Had he been honest and said that’s what he needed, I still would have helped. However, he decided to scam me with reference to imaginary friends. Well, he got moved and I got the latch of the rear window of my CR-V broken when he forced the window closed on a mattress that really was too large to fit into my little Honda.

I have experienced quite a bit of game-playing and scamming through the years. And I have learned a lot about it. Many years ago, during a seminar for social work supervisors entitled Games Supervisors Play, the leaders presented us with a list of games supervisors play and asked us which ones we played. After what seemed like too long of a silence, one of my peers said, “Do you want to know which games we play—or which games we play well?” That could have been my response!

We insurance agents are regularly given “leads” to follow—telephone or visit. I believe this whole “lead” thing is a homogonous scam from beginning to end. Some company sells the leads to the insurance company, claiming that these people have requested, during a telephone interview or questionnaire on a website, information about insurance. The insurance company gives the leads to its agents, who make contact with the prospect—which is rather like panning for gold.

It has been my experience in making these contacts that the majority of people respond that they have not requested information regarding purchasing insurance. Of, if they have, the request was made many months in the past. With the leads not panning out as expected, most agents—include me in that group—begin using prospecting techniques.

In selling insurance, just as with everything else I’ve done in my life, I am doing my best to learn as much as possible about the job. So I’m reading books, subscribing to newsgroups, etc. The last book on the subject that I read is entitled How to Sell Anything to Anybody by Joe Girard. One of the techniques to line up prospects Girard describes requires only a telephone book and a telephone. The salesperson the picks a name—any times—and telephones. Here, from the book, is what takes place:

Now a woman answers the phone. “Hello, Mrs. Kowalski. This is Joe Girard at Merollis Chevrolet. I just wanted to let you know that the car you ordered is ready,” I tell her. Now remember: This is a cold call, and all I know for sure from the phone book is the party’s name, address, and phone number. This Mrs. Kowalski doesn’t know what I am talking about. “I’m afraid you have the wrong number. We haven’t ordered a new car,” she says. “Are you sure?” I ask. “Pretty sure. My husband would have told me,” she says. “Just a minute,” I say. “Is this the home of Clarence F. Kowalski?” “No. My husband’s name is Steven.” I write it down, though of course I know it because it says so right there in the phone book. “Gee, Mrs. Kowalski, I am very sorry to have disturbed you at this time of the day. I’m sure you’re very busy.” Maybe she says that its no trouble at all or wants to tell me that she just got back from the supermarket. Whatever it is I don’t let her hang up yet.

I want to keep her on the phone because I’m not done, and maybe she has no one to talk to so she doesn’t hang up. “Mrs. Kowalski, you don’t happen to be in the market for a new car, do you?” If she knows they are, she’ll probably say yes. But the typical answer will be: “I don’t think we are, but you’d have to ask my husband.” There it is, what I’m looking for. “Oh, when can I reach him?” And she’ll say, “He’s usually home by six.” OK, I’ve got what I wanted. “Well, fine, Mrs. Kowalski, I’ll call back then, if you’re sure I won’t be interrupting supper.” I wait for her to tell me they don’t eat until about six-thirty, and then I thank her.

You know what I am going to be doing at six o’clock. That’s right. “Hello, Mr. Kowalski, this is Joe Girard at Merollis Chevrolet. I spoke to Mrs. Kowalski this morning and she suggested I call back at this time. I was wondering of you’re in the market for a new Chevrolet?” “No,” he says, “not just yet.” So I ask, “Well, when do you think you mioght be looking for a new car?” I ask that question straight out, and he is going to think about it and give me an answer. Maybe he only wants to get rid of me. But whatever the reason, what he says is probably going to be what he means. It’s easier than trying to dream up a lie. ”I guess I’ll be needing one in about six months,” he says, and I finish with. “Fine, Mr. Kowalski, I’ll be getting in touch with you then. Oh, what are you drving now?” He tells me, I thank him, and hang up.

Girard goes on to write that he’ll contact the Kowalski family again in five months, remind them of their conversation, and maybe sell them a new car.

A game? A scam? I’m sure a sales person will say its “just a selling technique.” However, from my viewpoint it has all the characteristics of a game which has all of the characteristics of s scam.

Does it work? Yes, I can attest that it does because I’ve used this “selling technique” a couple of times in the past week. I sold no insurance, but I did manage to talk to some folks, which is better than usual in following the leads the insurance company purchases.

So I end with what I began in the title of this post: If you ain’t bein’ scammed, you may be… a scammer.