Monday's Jokes & Humor on Sunday Night

I’m posting Monday’s jokes on Sunday night because I still am under the weather and I don’t know what shape I’ll be in tomorrow.

I did what you told me to do........

I sent the email to 10 people, just like you said and I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen....

The Laws that Really Govern Our Lives:

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
& Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
& Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
& Law of the Alibi
if you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach and scratch it.

& Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
& Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
& Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
& Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
& Oliver's Law
Closed mouth gathers no feet.
& Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
& Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Why God Created Woman:

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because, He knew men would never, ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what is on TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE, is on TV.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appt for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to someone to bear children because men would never be able to handle it.

4. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone", he only ends up getting himself in trouble.

And the NUMBER ONE reason...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam he stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I can do better than that."

This does NOT increase your chances of selling the house.

Ever heard of a leash, lady?

One sign that you are spending too much time at your computer.

The smiley face is a nice touch.

And the newsroom goes silent...

Don't show it if you don't know how to wear it.

There are some things you just can't un-see.