Too Bad It's Monday Jokes & Humor

Camryn Update: Email from Her Dad

SATURDAY (11.22.08) As of 5 p.m. eastern, Camryn was waiting on room 426 to become available.  She should stay in a regular room for two to three days, and then transfer to Frazier Rehab Center for therapy.  Her stay there could be two weeks to four weeks.  Over night and most of today, her motor skills have improved.  She can almost raise her left arm level with her head. She went to the hospital gym today and tried to shoot basketball.  She also rolled around on a mat and tried to lift herself up.  She still walks, with the help of someone on each side of her, to the toilet.  She has a stress ball, and can throw it about four feet with her left hand.  She is still having headaches and is still light sensitive; however that seems to be less than it was three days ago. Her speech is still slurred.  Her left facial muscles are still lacking strength.  She did two pages of homework today, with mom acting as scribe. And the most important thing, she fought with her sister today (that is the real sign of normal life)!

 Thank you for your concerns, calls, cards, gifts and prayers.

 

In the spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved. 

A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?"

The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it onthe weighing scales. It weighs six pounds.

The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you haveone that's a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds

"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"

Here is a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as  a stuffing  -- imagine that. When I found this recipe, I thought  it was  perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to  tell when  poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

8  - 15 lb. turkey
1  cup melted butter
1  cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is  good)
1  cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper  to taste

Preheat  oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted  butter salt,  and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place  in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen  for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room, it's done.

And you thought I didn't cook...

I was eavesdropping on two women sitting behind me on the bus when they started talking about a trip to Switzerland. The first passenger asked the second whether she had enjoyed the beautiful scenery.

"Not really," came the reply. "I couldn't see much because of all the mountains in the way."

 

 

A Maxine Thanksgiving

My Grandfather was one of the wisest men I ever knew. I still remember his only advice to me concerning women. 

"Ray," he said, "Trust me on this one, even if you do eventually understand women, you'll never believe it anyway."

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. 

When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

A legal question...

Is this statutory rape?  

Or just a moosedemeanor???

KATZ