Monday, January 11, 2010

Too Bad It's Monday Jokes

Please excuse today's short T.B.I.M. post. I am/have been ill and unable to devote as much time as usual to it.

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" 

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a subway one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket.

He opened he opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later he asked the priest, "Father what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man."

"Geez, I'll be darned," uttered the drunk and returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologized.

"I'm sorry son, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't, father. I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has arthritis.. "

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.’

So he asks the man behind the cashregister, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?”

The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.

The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn."

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

"What denomination?" asks the clerk.

"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist."



  1. I do not feel at all shorted, Saintly Nick. May you be well very soon.

  2. The 'short' chuckle was welcome Nick I hope you're feeling better soon. x

  3. Thanks for the post Nick.
    I'm sorry to hear that you are unwell and i hope it passes very very soon. You stay indoors in the warm and snuggle up to Alex.
    I really hope you are better soon.
    Much love

  4. I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, Nick. Take care of yourself so you're back to your sweet self again. Prayers.

  5. Nick,the important thing is that you get well,so you have a shotr posting.

  6. Love that one about the Pope! Hope you feel better soon, Nick.

  7. A pretty time-intensive post considering you're under the weather, Nick. Stay warm and feel better, friend!