Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I Can't Help but Wonder

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose,
And nothin' aint worth nothin' but it's free.

Kris Kristofferson wrote that in the song Me and Bobby McGee. Free is how I prefer to live my life!

At the moment, my apartment mate, Anne, and I have so much freedom we literally have nothin' left to lose:
  • no money
  • no food
  • no gasoline
...until another week goes by when my pension check is deposited into my bank account. 

In the past 2 weeks, I've sold 40 or so books from my library shelves so that they now look so empty I feel like crying. And the damned bookbuying gave only $0.50 each for some of my closest friends.  Anne has sold her beloved 8-track stereo, her softball glove and spiked shoes. We have both pawned our guitars. 

Anne and I need to go to critical medical appointments tomorrow and Friday; however, I don't have enough gasoline to get to even one of them. I've attempted to borrow $25.00 from family members for the gas and just a bit of food. No response from anyone. My freedom is killing me.

I would like to use my freedom to wander!

Tommy Paxton’s I Can’t Help to Wonder Where I’m Bound is one of 2 songs I considered my “theme songs” when I was in my early 20s. 

I suppose that now, even in my 60s, it could still live the wander's theme/life style, well, if my health keeps improving as fast a it has been the past several months I could. 

It would be grand to wander with a purpose... maybe to promote peace and justice in this would. That idea is reflectde in my second theme song,

So, here I, with nothing hold me down. And I want to roam. And I wonder where I'm bound. 

But, damn it, I am so hungry. And so concerned about gasoline to drive Anne and me to the physicans. And becoming depressed by all of this nothing left to lose freedom!

However, I still have faith that...

ADDED 9:30 PMHalf the crisis solved with the appearance of a very unlikely angel! Anne and I have food through Sunday and my pension check should be deposited on Tuesday. I'm hoping we have gas to get Anne to and from her medical appointment. (I've never run out of gas in this CR-V, so I have no idea how much fuel I have in the tank. The fuel gauge reads below the empty line).


  1. You forgot to mention we both sold our amplifiers and I sold a lot of my books as well but I didn't have nearly as many as you had. But we are going to make it Nick I tell you! We just need to start budgeting better. I love you my dear friend I don't want to go through another month of this ridiculousness on the parts of the buyer's we were selling to. They know how to get people when they are down!