Incest: The Crime that Devastates Lives

This is a continuation of my previous posts—Sexual Assault Awareness & Sexual Abuse: A Rule of Thumb—in recognition of April being Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month,

Incest is, to me, one of the most destructive and wounding crimes that can be committed against a person. It is a crime that devastates lives and has been so recognized since prehistoric times. Technically, Incest is sexual contact between persons who, because of the nature of their kinship, are prohibited by law or custom from marrying. The incest taboo—which is primarily between siblings—is one of the oldest and perhaps most universal that humans have recognized. Yet, anthropologists find it a perplexing prohibition and have developed numerous theories, some of which are contradictory.

It is not my intention in this post to discuss either the legal aspects of incest nor its anthropological/sociological facets. Rather, I want to explore the impact on the lives of those children who are the victims of incest, regardless of the kinship between victim and perpetrator. Therefore, I am defining incest as sexual contact between an adult and a child in the same family. I am not including sexual contact between siblings, although that can be devastating to the younger of the two. I am including parents—including stepparents— uncles and aunts, and grandparents.

When I write that incest is a crime that devastates lives, I refer not only to the act itself but also to the psychological impact of the act on the lives of the victims. Incest may leave its victim with a lifetime of feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness. Because incest is typically a “family secret” that is never spoken of within or outside the family, the victim often lives with these feelings in solitary anguish. I believe personally—without scientific verification—that it has only been in the past forty or so years—and with the growth and support of the modern feminist movement—that victims of incest have had the courage and been encouraged to break the family code of silence and tell their stories. Because of this silence, "back then" it was difficult for most people to believe that the crime of incest was as prominent as it is.

Thus, Rae in New Zealand can accurately comment on my blog post of April 12:

Back then sexual abuse wasn't talked about. People knew it happened and believed it but social conditioning, namely fear, over generations taught otherwise. I'm a third generation sexual abuse survivor. Twenty-two years ago, I took my step father to court for sexually abusing me from the age of nine. Back then the judge in his summary to the perpetrator stated that "This is not something that I've come across before and because the issue is so new, and you have no prior convictions, you will be required to do community service and undergo counselling with a trained psychologist." Back then there were no 'trained psychologists' so he got off with a smack on the hand and a "don't do it again'.

Rae uses the term similar to incest survivor, which is quite appropriate. It is not easy to live with the psychological baggage and pain that comes from being sexually victimized by one who supposedly is an adult who loves and protects you. It took an enormous amount of courage for people such as Rae to take the one who sexually abused them to court, especially in the days when officials—such as the judge on Rae’s stepfather’s case—had little or no knowledge about incest and its ramifications on the lives of its victims. I applaud Rae and all survivors of incest—and especially those to risked taking action again their abusers.

Rae’s story and the stories of all incest survivors touch me personally. My ex-wife is a survivor of incest, who, like Rae, prosecuted her abuser—her natural father. I lived with her as she when through the trauma of many years of therapy and remembering the details of the abuse she and her three sisters suffered at the hands of their father. I was with her in court when her father pleaded “no contest”—an Alfred plea—and was sentenced to prison for his crimes.

In tomorrow’s post I shall write more about how the victimization of my ex-wife by her father not only devastated her life, but our marriage and our children, too.