Monday, April 06, 2009

T.B.I.M. Jokes & Humor Is Back!

My computer is far from being OK, but I can publish Too Bad It's Monday. My one problem is that when I installed the backup files, many jokes and cartoons that I have already posted came back to my files. I can't remember if I have posted them or not, so if you see some repeats, please laugh at them again! OK?

The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and so he coughed the coin out.

"I don't know how to thank you, doc...", his mother started.

"I'm not a doctor", the man replied, "I'm from the IRS".

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife.

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field."

Then the doctor added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?"

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"

"I do."

"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"

"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."


Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.'

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



  1. Nick,great jokes,I hope that you get your 'puter totaly straitened out soon my friend!

  2. The snake with the bulge made me laugh out loud- does that make me a sadist?!

  3. I like the snake, Nick. Our wildlife here could relate to that.

    Glad the puter is sort of fixed.

  4. Glad to see that you can post again. Thanks for the laughs, especially the kats.

  5. I enjoyed this so much and Alex and the bunny !!Sandy

  6. So good to have you back Nick. Laughing all the way...

  7. I'm happy to get my regular Monday chuckle Nick, hope you're computer is sorted now. :)

  8. I have no idea if those were repeats or not, but a good laugh is always a good thing! Thanks, Nick, and if good thoughts help, mine are winging your way.

  9. these are all great, thanks for the laughs on this rainy VA morning! At this stage in life, hearing something a second time often sounds as fresh as the first :) it's a good thing!
    Take Care Nick!

  10. romlmao... "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

    heehee.. read that one out loud and got a roar of laughter from the good one ;)

  11. You compliment us by assuming we might remember what we've seen before......

  12. you are here!

    i'm still laughing at the first one!

  13. Glad your TBIM jokes are back today, Nick. It ain't Monday without 'em.

  14. Computers can be loathesomely inconvenient when they want to, can't they..?

    I love the joke about the taxman extracting money. That might be a true story you know...

  15. ps either that woman's a gnome or that tiger is utterly ENORMOUS! I didn't know they grew that giant...

  16. Well if you published them before my memory is so bad I forgot and they were funny all over again.

  17. I'm so glad that you and the jokes are back!

  18. That's the kind of technical support I like!

  19. I love the LOL Cats. These were funny! The technical support call from Snuggles cracked me up.