Too Bad It's Monday Jokes & Humor

In May of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved.

Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. 

I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.

For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a thimble?

Judge to the court, at the start of a case: "I have to declare an interest in this case. Last week, the plaintiff sent me a check for $10,000 to find in his favor. 

Two days later, I received $20,000 from the defendant to find in his favor. 
I have therefore sent $10,000 back to the defendant and can try the case without bias."

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. 

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. 


At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"
 
"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.
 
Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
 
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
 
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered. 

"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
 
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
 
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again. 

"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
 
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

HOW HOT IS IT?

When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” 

Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: “So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)

Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: “Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage.”

A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. 

I felt terrible for her. 


Or I did until she cried, “Oh no! Not again!”

from THE SECRETS of MARRIAGE:

KATZ

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!