Chirp, Chirp

TASHA: Mr. Temple! There's a bird in here! In the kitchen!

ME: How do you know?

TASHA: I hear it chirping.

ME: Oh, Tasha, it's probably just the rabbit. [Really: the sound the scared bunny makes sounds, to me, like the chirping of a bird. Of course, I realize that my hearing ain't too good]

TASHA: NO! It's a little bird and I see it!

[Sound of furniture moving as I hobble toward the kitchen]

TASHA [standing on a chair by the kitchen table]: There it is! Get it. It scares me!

[A small bird, moving too fast for me to see what kind, swoops over my head toward the door to the back hallway and freedom. It misses the door, hits the wall, and drops down beside the wine cellar]

ME: Tasha, I think it hurt itself.

TASHA [climbing down from chair]: You're going to have to catch it because I won't. 

The above took place about 11:00 a.m. Monday. I did not catch the bird; it moved behind the wine cellar and stayed there.

Tasha had said the same thing (You're going to have to catch it because I won't) about the rabbit; but now, after numerous sightings*, she says that the the rabbit is cute and she has a broom and dust pan (see the first photo, below) ready for capture the rabbit and place him in one of the empty boxes I have strategically located around the house.

I love the outdoors. I really enjoy being surrounded by nature. However, sharing my house with a wild bird and a wild rabbit is too much indoor nature for me! They serve no purpose inside my house (except, perhaps, to give Alex exercise chasing them).

Tuesday afternoon the bird left us. When Tasha and I returned from an appointment at the VA hospital, she spotted the bird in the back hallway near the door that leads to the deck. She opened the door and the bird flew outside to freedom! Thank God! Now, if the rabbit would just hop out I'll be very happy.

*Speaking of the rabbit, he was last sighted this morning (Wednesday) being chased by Alex from the library into the kitchen. The bunny ran beneath the microwave stand. Alex hung around, pawing at the thing for a thirty seconds. Then the furball gave up, clawed me, and demanded dinner and desert.

As for me, I am enjoying the warm weather to no end:

[Tasha, who snapped this photo, says that I "look sexy." HA!]

Too Bad It's Monday Jokes & Humor

In the spring of 2005, shortly after I began blogging, I began posting the jokes I had received in my previous week’s email under the title Too Bad It’s Monday (T.B.I.M.) as the reverse of T.G.I.F. (Thank God It’s Friday). So again I am going to share with you what I consider to be the best of the humor I have received in the past week. You may not agree with all of my choices, but if even one joke brings you a smile on T.B.I.M., my goal has been achieved.

Three citizens of the former Soviet Eastern Bloc - a Pole, a Czech, and a Jew - were accused of spying and were sentenced to death. Each man was granted one last wish.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Pilsudski," said the Pole.

"I want my ashes scattered over the grave of Masaryk," said the Czech.

"And I," said the Jew, "want my ashes scattered over the grave of Comrade Kosygin."

"But that's impossible," he was told. "Kosygin isn't dead yet."

"Fine," said the Jew. "I can wait."

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replied the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

What you May Not Know about CATS

- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

- Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit.

- Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

- Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

- Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

- Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

- I had to get rid of my wife. The cat was allergic!

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear!"

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible,"he explains,"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, " Don 't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp,dead rabbit,bends down,and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up,waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops,turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again,until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of hungry wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket.

After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it, or should we stay here for a few days and out number them?"

One afternoon, a butcher went into a pet shop. The butcher had visited that same pet shop every day for a week straight. It seems that he had fallen in love with one of the seagulls in the shop.

Alas, he had no money to spend, but the pet shop owner agreed to give him the bird in exchange for some of the delicious German sausage from the butcher's store.

And so, the deal was made. It seems that he took a tern for the wurst.

ADVERBS

WHERE and WHEN

Are lost in space.

THERE and THEN

Do not embrace.

So before we disappear

Come sweet NOW and kiss the HERE.

~ Yip Harburg, Rhymes for the Irreverent

ON LAWYERS & LIGHTBULBS

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do something, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

KATZ

Thoughts on the Day Before Earth Day

Reminder! Tomorrow is:

Last Minute Earth Day Resources

If anyone is wondering, the last rabbit sighting was Monday afternoon. The quick growing bunny was hopping toward his feeding station in the guest bedroom when we saw each other. The bunny turned and dashed for his bolt-hole (underneath the bed). We have had to refill the food and water dish twice since Saturday. Obviously, the rabbit is doing OK, if not thriving, as our guest. (I include Alex in that "our" since it was he who brought the baby bunny into our house).

The colors of Spring have always awakened in me awe as I witnessed the earth's blooming after the long winter hibernation. I used to love to hike in the April and explore the wonder of the colors bursting forth. Those days are now in the past. However, I can still enjoy some of the delights of Spring! This morning I shot the photos below from my front porch. (Of course, you may click on any photo to see it greatly enlarged).

Alex was with me on the porch. However, his prime interest was rolling around on the concrete:



The tree sat on the property line between my house and my neighbor to the north. It was old, perhaps as old as the 100+ year old houses whose property line it marked. I believe  that it had little life left in it. Sunday's thunderstorm finished the tree. It was a large tree and provided little shade, but I shall miss it.





My computer is still without audio, thus no Coffeehouse for a while. (I really would like to hear the sings before I post them). Although the computer system confirms that it has the needed hardware, software, latest drivers, and correct setting including the BIOS setting. From all that I have found written on the problem it appears that what I have is a rather common problem. How, if I could just find a fix that works...



How about a few more KATZ? My supply of the creatures is stilling growing faster than I can post them!

Learniing to Live as a Lunger, Part 2, & New Bunny Sightings

Shorty after I was prescribed oxygen therapy, I wrote a blog post entitled Learning to Live as a Lunger:

Learning to Live as a Lunger

That post was the most extensive one I have written on how the need for oxygen therapy has affected my life. Today's post in another.

A couple of events yesterday exhausted me and following them I napped way too much. The first happening was a couple of electricity outages that required me to access the huge emergency oxygen tank. That may not sound problematic, but it becomes so when (1) one is gasping for oxygen, (2) the room where the tank is located is dark, and (3) the connection and controls of the tank are difficult to access.

Emergency Oxygen Tank

The tank I am talking about is the big green thing in the photograph above. It took me a while to get to it and when I did I found that when the service guy from the oxygen supply company last refilled the tank after the electrical outages earlier this year, he placed the tank so that the connection to my nose hose and the controls are facing away from me and I found it difficult get to them, especially since I couldn't breath, because of the stuff around the tank. By the time I was able to make the connection, I felt exhausted and close to passing out.

The second of yesterday's happenings was less traumatic (for me) but no less tiring. As you probably know, I have given the kitchen table to Alex for his dining pleasure primarily because it is easier for me to refill his food bowls and water dish if they are not on the floor. Also, I can sit beside the furball, watch him eat, pet and cuddle him and groom his beautiful coat.

While the electric power was out, I heard a crash in the kitchen. I didn't have the energy to investigate. Anyway, because I heard a cat squeal and Alex came running from the kitchen jumped up on my desk and into my arms, I deduced that the furball had knocked something off the table.

After the electricity came back on, I waited from about 20 minutes to be sure than it was going to remain on for a while before turning off the emergency oxygen and reconnecting my nose hose to the oxygen generator. Then I hobbled into the kitchen where I found a mess on the floor.

Alex must have leaped on the kitchen table, caught his claws in the table cloth, and yanked the cloth and his dinner and water dish (plus his brush and jar of cat treats) onto the floor, probably on top of him. It took me 15 minutes to clean up the mess and fill Alex's bowls.

It probably should have taken that long, but I was worn out by the earlier oxygen crisis and still suffering a bit from oxygen starvation. So, after the clean up, I went straight to my (our) bedroom, transfered the nosehose from my nostrils to the C-PAP, and napped. Alex joined me in bed and we napped a very long time.

Today I have been thinking about yesterday's experiences. Just a few years ago neither would have been the crisis that they were for me yesterday. Nor would have have been a crisis if another person were here with me or I could count on someone to respond to my telephoning for help.

Life brings change-lots of change. My life situation has changed dramatically over the past few years. I need to adjust to it. The quandary for me at the moment is: what adjustments need I make?

Bunny Sighting: Last evening, after Alex and I arose from our long nap, I came in the closest contact yet to my rabbit guest. I was at the doorway of the guest room when I looked down and saw the little fellow within a couple of feet of my feet. The little fellow is gray in color and has teh cutest little white cotton tail! Before I could see more, he/she scampered away and disappeared beneath the bed:

Rabbit Dwelling Beneath Bed in Guest Room

Earlier yesterday Tasha had gotten a look at my rabbit guest for the first time, after which she said that she is no longer afraid of assisting in capturing him. She almost captured the little fellow then, before he scampered beneath the bed in my guest room. Tasha commented on the rabbit, "He's a little fatty." After my later sighting of the baby rabbit, I agree, which suggests to me that the bunny is doing well with my hospitality:

Rabbit Feeding Station in Guest Bedroom