1000th Post Party

Post #1,000

Stay as long as you wish!

I’ll not be putting up post #1001—Too Bad It’s Monday jokes and humor—until Monday!

Post #1 of Nick’s Bytes entitled I’m New at This—Kinda come into existence on Friday, May 6, 2005. It began with these words:

OK, so I’ve never blogged before. Or have I? I write a lot, and I speak my mind and I once published a website called nicksbytes.com where I shared my thoughts and asked others for the feedback. So maybe I have blogged. Of course, it wasn’t called blogging then.

Thus I shall begin this something new!

Now, 999 posts and over three years later, Nick’s Bytes is celebrating a lot of blogging. I suppose when I began I didn’t think I reach the 1000^th post, especially since most of my posts have been fairly complex and time consuming to create—no to mention that it has been very seldom that I have made more than one post a day.

A lot has happened to Nick’s Bytes since that first post:

• As of this writing, 94,858 visits by 31,959 “unique” individuals.
• Nick’s Bytes’ Google Page Rank, which was 2/10 when I first encountered it, is now 5/10.
• Nick’s Bytes’ Technorati ranking, which was something like 800,000 when I first encountered it, is now in the “Top 5K” at number 4,740 (it fluctuates frequently) as of Friday.
• In May, 2005, I had no knowledge of any other bloggers or blogs; today there are 167 exceptional blogs listed on the sidebar with more being added weekly.
• In the beginning, I did not know how to post sounds—music—to Nick’s Bytes: when I wanted to share a song I’d post the lyrics or perhaps link to another site. Now Nick’s Bytes features a new song that’s “in my mind” at the top of the sidebar every day and this week Nick’s Bytes introduced the Wednesday Coffee House, which will now be a regular feature.
• Too Bad It’s Monday began on May 23, 2005 and is Nick’s Bytes most popular feature, usually drawing more than 200 visitors per post.
• Alex was introduced to the blogging world on May 15, 2005 and Nick’s Bytes has featured him more than any other subject. The furball now has his 2^nd blog, Alexicon: A Kitty Kat’s Life with his Hooman, having outgrown his first blog, Alexicon: A Feline’s Life with his Human.
• And last, when Nick’s Bytes began, I really wanted one of those blogging award that everyone seemed to have; now there are 63 posted on the side bar and perhaps another dozen that the blog has received that I haven’t found time to post. (So much of coveting awards!)

So, on with the party!

Below you’ll find links and other stuff that Alex and I have deemed our favorites over the past 999 posts. Please visit what you interests you. Ask questions if you wish. And please leave a comment before your depart. (Alex says: “OK?”)

Some of My Favorite Posts:

Alex

• The Introduction of Alex: Out on a Limb (May 15, 2005)
• Alex and Friend (May 16, 2005)
• Alex and the Cold (February 7, 2007)
• Following Alex (January 12, 2008)
• What’s a Furball to do without a Computer? (May 4, 2008)

Memes

• Seven Random/Strange Things about Me December 12, 2007
• Letter to Me December 12, 2007
• The Alphabet Meme December 13, 2007
• Seven Weird Things about Sometimes Saintly Nick January 2, 2008
• I... February 12, 2008
• Book Meme February 15, 2008
• Peek into My Life March 30, 2008
• Association Meme April 1, 2008
• Five 5 Five 5 Five June 3, 2008
• Six Unspectacular Quirks of Sometimes Saintly Nick June 8, 2008
• The Me Mosaic June 24, 2008

The Holocaust

• Auschwitz (May 11, 2005)
• Auschwitz Continued (May 12, 2005)
• In Memory of Simon Wiesenthal (September 20, 2005)
• Elie Wiesel: If We Forget the Story, It Will Happen Again (May 15, 2008)

My Granddaddy: TNT

· Old TNT (September 15, 2005)

· TNT and the Purloined Refrigerator (September 16, 2005)

· The “Terrible” Side of TNT (September 24, 2005)

· TNT Revisited (January 18, 2006)

· I Suppose It’s Inherited (Septmeber 6, 2006)

· June 12 Is a Special Day (June 12, 2007)

The Muffin Saga

• The Muffin Saga, Part I (January 16, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part II (January 18, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part III (January 20, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part IV (January 22, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part V (January 25, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part VI (January 29, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part VII (February 1, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part VIII (February 7, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part IX (February 8, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part X (February 15, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part XI (February 23, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part XII (February 26, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part XIII (March 8, 2008)
• The Muffin Saga, Part XIV (April 17, 2008)

Justice & Peace:

• Thich Nhat Hanh, Engaged Buddhism, & Burma (June 10, 2008)
• Dona Nobis Pacem (June 4, 2008)
• Prayers, Tears, and Compassion in Iraq (May 21, 2008)
• Blessed are they who hunger and thirst? (April 16, 2008)
• A Song for Today (March 20, 2008)
• Christmas 1914 (December 21, 2007)
• The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month (November 11, 2007)
• It’s Just the Way We Are (October 12, 2007)
• Burma & The Weeping Buddha (September 30, 2007)
• Sunday Morning Thoughts (July 8, 2007)
• Weapons of War: Dehumanization & Stereotyping (June 8, 2007)
• “The Wall” on My Wall (May 27, 2007)
• Amazing Grace Sunday (Febraury 18, 2007)
• I'm not afraid of anything... except, perhaps, a poet. (Febraury 16, 2007)
• Crying Out for Peace (July 11, 2006)
• The Tank Man of Tiananmen Square (June 4, 2006)
• Anne Braden (March 8, 2006)
• On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness (September 22, 2005)
• The Question (May 24, 2005)

Against Abuse

• Against Child Abuse (March 15, 2008)
• STOP the ABUSE (September 27, 2007)
• Women & AIDS (January25, 2007)
• Incest: Does the Pain Ever Stop? A Personal Story (April 19, 2006)
• Incest: The Crime that Devastates Lives (April 18, 2006)
• Sexual Abuse: A Rule of Thumb (April 12, 2006)
• Sexual Assault Awareness (April 11, 2006)

My Favorite Too Bad It’s Monday Jokes:

September 26, 2005:

A Letter to Your Cats and/or Dogs

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years—canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following 'Rules' on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and walks on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially cats.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids: they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!!!

November 7, 2005

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

January 23, 2006

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

May 15, 2006

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Georgia in Athens. They would get together two or three times a week at the Varsity for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the "experience."

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus"

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

Rabbi Lipschitz looks up and struggles to speak to the others: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out."

September 12, 2006

The Feline Diet

[Note: Alex has been following this diet for quite a while]

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

January 8, 2007

Barbie’s Letter to Santa:

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 2006

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 2006:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 21st Century persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

OK, Santa, you fat elf, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,

Barbie

Favorite Cartoons

WINTER (a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre)

"SHIT It's Cold!"

The End

Favorite Funny Pics






Favorite (LOL) KATZ

Favorite Humorous Short Videos